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"SAN ONOFRE NIGHTS"

Based on Baywatch Nights

Casting Call Breakdown

SNITCH BUCHANIN: A swaggering Officer Bob type, arrogant, nasty,
uncertain, but always there for you. Mid thirties to low fifties.

DOBIE: Always challenging, pesky, unsettled teenager, hell bent for leather
type won't take no for an answer.

GADGET: Spunky, aggressive, on the go type featuring a Brooklyn
dialect. Promising journalist waiting for a break and plenty of
book signings.

TADD O' SEAN: Swishy lifeguard type, anti-braggart has a queer
eye for a Straight Guy. Must have lots of teeth with plenty of
muscle.

BEVERLY BEERCAN: Hard-core, whiskey voiced, trollop always
looking for the good time, has the scorchies for Mitch.

BIG HUNK Always the Beach Bully, testy but sensitive, secret
admirer of Beverly Beercan, always quick with a comeback.
A joker never taking things seriously. Seceret nipper when
alone in his Tower 6.

TAKE TIME TO READ NEON'S BLOG BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!

Oh my Gawd, this is the worse yet. Several so called "veteran surfers"
stood proud on the log, their view of the ocean stifled, because of
uncontrollable bamboo stalks that the seasoned old-timers attempted
scared off Club member's adolescent children who tried clearing the awful
rat-infested, urine soaked, thatch of greenery, located directly in front
of where "Al Gee's Family Community Centre and Bocci-ball field" and
Tom, John, and Drew, is. Elroy "The Boy" Lang said the Club just doesn't
want 'Nofre to look as it did in the day". Ranger Ephriam custodian of
'Nofre's Lost an Found Dept. said the will sell off at auction all the abandoned
Ugg Boots this weekend.Thesee boots were found lastMondayt obviously
discarded. All receipts will go to the Clubs slush fund, not to the kegger
party at Dogscratch this Sunday.

BRUCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES

Ever since the whiners from "Viva la Raza"put the kabash on
"The Dairy", we now have to concentrate on surfing. Oh well!
We might as well start with SOSC BOD recent appointments.
First, Al Gee has been designated Czar of Al Gee's Infant and
Toddler's Baby Beach, located midway between Latrine's 4&5
where the Hispanic Baby Strollers are constantly pushed to
and fro on the germ ridden prehistoric dirt road (which the
BOD swore up and down will never, ever, be paved) with
kids gurgeling and laughing as Dad chuckles baby talk to
the tyke. BIGKOOK has advanced to "Enforcer" down at
Cape Haw'n Paradise answering only to Officer Keiffer.
Patrolman Larson has been demoted to checking the VB
net at Greenhorn making sure it's always at 8', and
the rubber lined are kept taught. Because of a certain
ex-kid surfer sleeping in the "Old Men's" lifeguard
tower the State, acting under severe pressure from
the Surf Club will close early at the end of PDT.

Written by Oscar Castaneda Mendoza
BRUCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES

The "Los Tres Estrella's" broken down bus sat alone at roads end
in San Onofre. Oil poured freely, its radiator overheated, steam
wafting in the air, and the 150 "guest workers" stirred awake
unaware of thier surroundings. The driver, Pedro Juan Jesus
"Paco" Garcia stared out the mud caked windsheild shaking his
head in disbelief, "Mira hombres, what's that?" 150 disoriented
workers on the way to New Orleans looked out the window smack-
dab at the SONGS Power Plant. "Hijo le, mira ese, mira." The illegal
guest workers here on George "Uh, duh" Bush, his Patrone Sr.
Vinnie Fox, thought this was going to be a job picking artichokes
not something in outer space, which 'Nofre looks like, all the lights,
cranes, and blowing steam.


WARNING BLOG AFFICIANADOS:
The San Diego Chapter of La Raza in conjuctioon with Imperial Valley
True Children of Mexico has placed a Cease and Desist Order on
TUBESTEAK'S DAIRY effective 1500 11/20/2995. We have
counterfiled a reason to show cause order allowing the Dairy to
continue. Thank you for your cooperation and patience.

Written by Eddie "Flaco" Obregon.
BRUCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES

Thank God for minor miracles. The dwindleling surf subsided to a
size more suitable to the liking of the 'Nofre regulars: two feet and
mushy. I was there yesterday overhearing one of them saying
"Wait'll the tide goes out then the reef will go off like a bitchen
rocket bomb." The tide went out, the waves became flatter than
yesterday's ginger ale. Apparently, someone discovered a naked
corpse with a cigar inserted where the sun don't shine, but that don't
mean Jack Schitt. At the end of the primitive and prehistoric dirt road
the Dept. of Homeland Security discovered a huge passenger bus, the
name "Los Tres Estrellas" emblazoned on the sides, filled with 150
unconscious illegal immigrants inside. Rangers Dairywimple and Ephram
volunteered for the uncovering of the San Onofre smuggling ring before
it gets out of hand. One thing Rangers found was all fake ID's bore
the name Jesus Pedro Morales.

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