September 4, 2004 CONTEST CENTRAL

Saturday next, at 7:oo AM, heat #1 goes in the water launching a two day
SOSC Contest. New announcers will replace Jimmy Irwin for this one only.
Trying to fill Jimmy's shoes will include Steve Roth, Al Gee, Scott French,
Shecky, Wino Joe, Willie Wilson, and several Cameo PA guys. Lane assignments
will be drawn next Thursday, no matter how many feelings will be hurt,
White is still top seed. There may be a change, however, because of raw
sewage oozing into the shorebreak, adjacent to BIGKOOK'S swampland
by the Bamboo Forest, all heats may be moved south 50 yards for health
concerns. Real good news, the McDonald's Tour Bus will house the "Surfer
Craig" Ephriam, Hal Dairywimple, Officer Bob Krupke Show, with a Special
Mystery Guest on site. Long lines are anticipated, if your heat starts at
7:00 AM, be in line by 2:00 AM or stay at home, you won't get on the beach.
All judges must pass a physical exam before the contest begins. The exam
will concentrate on far-sightedness and color blindness. Worse news of all,
Quicksilver, Billabong, Nike, Reef Sandals, may not be allowed to offer
prizes to heat winners because of AAU amateur standings violations.

Written by Rick Heil
BRUCE SAVAGE AND ASSOCIATES

September 3, 2004 Bush faces re election in 2005.

SOSC contest coverage starts tomorrow, kicking off Labor Day Weekend.. Heats,
Top Seeds, predictions, after contest parties, judges favorite sandwiches.
Hal and Surfer Craig broadcast live from Adjudicating Pavilion, manana en la
manana.

Written by Bozo the Klown.
BRUCE SAVAGE AND ASSOCIATES

September 1, 2004 There goes the neighborhood and congested freeways.

Short and sweet: Thanks a bundle Governor Arnie for opening the floodgates.

Written in disgust and sorrow.
BRUCE SAVAGE AND ASSOCIATES

August 31, 2004 "Heaven's Break"

Hal:
Good morning, welcome to Surfer Craig's Tuesday edition of the Surfer Craig
Show. Hi Surfer Craig, guess who our first caller is, and I know you'll remember
the great-grand nephew of the first surfboarder to navigate San Onofre's
inaugural surf way back in '28, Bernie Friedman who is standing at 94 years young.
Mr.Friedman, can you hear me?

Bernie:
Eh, what say. How'd you get this number?

Surfer Craig:
Good morning Mr.Friedman can you hear me?

Bernie:
Darn toot'en I can. What do you fellows want from me?

Surfer Craig:
Well sir, our engineer Officer Krupke said you were part of a tragedy
down at 'Nofre in earlier times, like 1932 can you elaborate?

Bernie:
Yeah, it was like yesterday. The boys name was Harry Thorten, first
lad killed at Ol é 'Nofre, I witnessed the whole gruesome incident, it was
awful. Harry was always inventing something, that summer he had
a brainchild, the first leash used on a surfboard, but in this case it
was an 11' paddleboard weighing 110 pounds made from Indonesian
Monkey wood. His board was painted white with a red cross design on the
deck, looking like a surfing ambulance.

Surfer Craig:
Oh my God, Bernie, this is terrible. Out of what was the leash made, and
how was it anchored to the paddleboard.

Bernie:
Harry screwed an eyelet screw into the tailblock, threaded through 25 ' of
clothesline, tied in a sheepshead knot around his right ankle, and paddled
to the Heaven's Break, sat there waiting for the wave of waves, which today
would be 15' top to bottom. I was on shore when the first wave of a 12
wave set hit.

Surfer Craig:
Let's get this straight, Bernie. It's summer of '32, surf is 15', Harry's
on his giant kook box, here comes a 12 wave set, Harry paddles, gets to his feet,
goes straight off a half mile from shore. Oh Lord, Bernie, what happens next?

Bernie:
You must remember in '32 they hadn't invented wax as of yet. Harry valiantly
tries to retain his balance on the water slicked deck, flailed his arms, and, kerplunk,
falls off the board into the water, waiting for the board to come back to him. No luck.
The 110 pound board is sucked into the wave's 15' trough, leash extended 25' drags him
a half mile to his watery grave. Harry was dead when the giant kook box hit shore.

Surfer Craig:
Thanks for sharing that shocking story with us, Bernie. Stay on the line,
Officer Krupki has a parting gift for you. That's right, Bernie, a comlimentary
Surf More leash 25 feet in length just like Harry's.

Written by Von Morang, Produced and Directed by NeoN D. Surfer.
BRUCE SAVAGE AND ASSOCIATES

August 31, 2004 Truth vs Fiction

Hal:
Welcome to the Surfer Craig Show. Today, Surfer Craig, we have Edgar on
the line wanting to ask about round bottom hot curl boards.

Surfer Craig:
Well hello there Edgar,r round bottom hot curl boards are actually my forte.
Let me ask you, what color is it?

Edgar:
Yellow, Surfer Craig, ten feet, 19" wide, no rocker, no rudder, and it goes like
a rocketship. The reason I'm calling is, the other morning at Ol'e Man's I'm going
right with a jackass kook right at my tailblock, when swoosh, my tailblock pops
right in this knucklehead's screwy looking neck. He can't breath and screams
"mercy", shaking his stupid looking fist at me. This frightened me so, I didn't
know rather I should schitt or go blind. Surfer Craig, please what should I have done?

Surfer Craig:
Great question Edgar as I had this happen To me once myself at County Line.
I simply closed one and pharted. I hope this helps, Edgar

Written by Tiki Matt, Produced and Directed by NeoN D. Surfer.
BRUCE SAVAGE AND ASSOCIATES