DATELINE 5/28/2004 SAN ONOFRE CA
BACK TO NORMAL AGAIN! ALONG WITH DAY USE PASS
up to a tenski, annual pass up $200.00 to $329.00 the
State annihilates any, and all, bamboo, sewers, foliage,
or anything that ain't natural to Socal. Instead of spending money to pave the "primitive dirt road", our money goes to
agent orange cancer causing poison to level poor SANO'S
beautiful, lush, shadeful, west wind blocking, lush,
greenery, because of the self-appointed homeless,
lunatic fringe (you know whom you are), refrigerator
cast-offs, hidden furniture, dog crap, or anything
unnatural to the beauty of Camposita San Onofre, they have
nobody to blame but themselves. As the tune goes, "I Fought
the Law and the Law Won". Ranger Ephriam posted notice that
a massive "garage sale" will take place in front of Bldg.
#5, June 5th, 8:00 AM sharp.
TUBESTEAK/GOLDEN.BEAR.PASS

FINALLY, SOME GOOD NEWS! DR.AADRIAN GREENBAUM, NOTED
Proctologist, recovering alcoholic, and friend of surfing,
will attend Sr.Jose Verdi's "Dia de Memorial Day Fiesta" tomorrow on San Onofre Family Recreational Centre. Free food, Margaritas (all you can drink), Chimichangas, Menudo, Tacos, beans and rice, all compliments of the SOSC BOD. All of you
are familiar with Dr.Bob Scott, renowned ear doctor, providing
free microscopic camera exploration on the beach beneath
the palm frond shack. Tomorrow, in conjunction with Dr.Scott, Dr.Greenbaum will offer to the first 50 club members a
complimentary full digital prostate probe, guaranteed.
The procedure shall be followed by a giant "pinata" bursting
and dessert. In keeping with the "mariachi" atmosphere, the State encouraged Superintendent Dairywimple and Ranger Ephriam
to dress Emilia Zapata style with six-shooters (blanks of course), bandaleros, serapes, and lariats. The first Margarita shall be served at 8:00 AM la punta.
TUBESTEAK/ORALE

DATELINE 5/27/2004 SAN ONOFRE CA
I AM SO SICK AND TIRED OF BEING THE BEARER OF BAD TIDINGS,
but here we go again. Saturday the beach will not open because
of the imminent State Lifeguard's work stoppage a.k.a. Huelga!
Superintendent Dairywimple says San Onofre will not operate without lifeguards. No Exceptions. Period, end of report.
This is a scare tactic learned from Santa Monica City Lifeguards
to get their own demands met. Shut the beaches down.
The Park System anticipates 600,000 visitors from San Mateo to San Onofre, but it doesn't look as if the State will back down this time. Guards want $32.50 an hour, four tens, and an additional coffee break. State says no. Give it to the guards, and Dairywimple and Ranger, working for minimum wage, will want to match the guards wage. I suggest, rather than heading for a shut down 'Nofre, go to Baby's Beach in the Harbor. I am.
TUBESTEAK/ADJUTICATOR

DATELINE 5/26/2994 SAN ONOFRE
IT DON'T MEAN A THING IF IT AIN'T GOT THAT SWING do wah,do wah,
do wah. Ranger Ephriam has assembled a fine sextet of talented
old fellows down at the San Onofre beach on Wednesdays through the summer months. One old pelican is 106 years old, he no longer strums because of paralysis on the right side, but he loves to tap with his left forefinger, the rhythm side. During the session, soup and custard are distributed to the audience
during intermission. It is a beautiful sight to behold, fellows
nodding off, replaced by late comers ready for the Tahitian
segue. It's well worth the price of admission to see this
spectacle in broad daylight. Average age of the musicians is
97 years young.
tubesteak/kick.kick.step.kick

DATELINE 5/26/2004 DOHENY STATE BEACH
IF YOU GET TO DOHENY ST. BEACH TOLL KIOSK TODAY
they will supply you, free of charge, maps, camping
instructions, market sites, tourist attractions, canpsite
availability, tide books, and restaurant guides, for this
Memorial Day Celebration at State beaches for the massive
three day weekend. Superintendant Dairywimpls predicts an
influx of over half million beach goers, from Doheny to San
Onofre Family Beach. For this weekend only, the 350 car limit will be waived. Come one come all--no waiting in line. For the first 500 cars Ranger Ephriam will issue free bumper stickers,
a trendy purple and lime green, announcing "JUNE GLOOM".
TUBESTEAK/500K

DATELINE 526/2004 SAN ONOFRE CA
IN YOUR WILDEST DREAMS, HAVE YOU EVER IMAGINED WHAT A GREAT
surf beach San Onofre would be if it had its own pier like Malibu, Manhattan Beach, Oceanside, Haggerty's, and all the
other great Southern California structures. Figure 'Nofre with its own Roller Coaster like Santa Cruz, or a salt water plunge such as Long Beach's, Bumper Car rides, restaurants, promenades stretching from the Point to the Power plant, Salt Water Taffy
booths, Corn Dog Stand, Trams running 12 hours a day, a freak show tent for guys wearing Ugh Boots, clutching beer kozies,
balancing on the restraining logs, and Bocci Ball participants.
The SOSC BOD would have shit-fits, but figure how much revenue
the State if California would generate by turning 'Nofre into a Class "A" surf center. Already, I love it.
TUBESTEAK/BOOSTER

DATELINE 5/24/2004 SAN ONOFRE SURFRIDER BEACH
THE DEPATMENT OF SANITATION AND BEACH POLLUTION MADE A CLEAN
sweep of the beach this morning from Bldg's #1 thru #6, giving either a "A" or "B" placard to all except Bldg. #4, TEAMBIGKOOK'S
toilet which received a "U", unsatisfactory an unhealthy. But that wasn't all. The sweep uncovered the swill and waste left by celebrants of beach award parties. Most obvious were the steamers deposited by feeble old 4th generation dimwitted family dogs, while its "master" wandered over to the free chow line provided by the local Rancho Santa Margarita Community Church. I think SuperintEndtant Dairywimple and Ranger Ephriam are going to have a handful off explaining to do this afternoon.
TUBESTEAK/666

DATELINE 5/24/2004 SAN ONOFRE SURFRIDER BEACH
THE DEPATMENT OF SANITATION AND BEACH POLLUTION MADE A CLEAN
sweep of the beach this morning from Bldg's #1 thru #6, giving either a "A" or "B" placard to all except Bldg. #4, TEAMBIGKOOK'S
toilet which received a "U", unsatisfactory an unhealthy. But that wasn't all. The sweep uncovered the swill and waste left by celebrants of beach award parties. Most obvious were the steamers deposited by feeble old 4th generation dimwitted family dogs, while its "master" wandered over to the free chow line provided by the local Rancho Santa Margarita Community Church. I think SuperintEndtant Dairywimple and Ranger Ephriam are going to have a handful off explaining to do this afternoon.
TUBESTEAK/666

DATELINE 5/24/2004 SAN ONOFRE SURFRIDER BEACH
THE DEPATMENT OF SANITATION AND BEACH POLLUTION MADE A CLEAN
sweep of the beach this morning from Bldg's #1 thru #6, giving either a "A" or "B" placard to all except Bldg. #4, TEAMBIGKOOK'S
toilet which received a "U", unsatisfactory an unhealthy. But that wasn't all. The sweep uncovered the swill and waste left by celebrants of beach award parties. Most obvious were the steamers deposited by feeble old 4th generation dimwitted family dogs, while its "master" wandered over to the free chow line provided by the local Rancho Santa Margarita Community Church. I think SuperintEndtant Dairywimple and Ranger Ephriam are going to have a handful off explaining to do this afternoon.
TUBESTEAK/666

DATELINE 5/23/2004 SAN ONOFRE CA
ALL YOU SO-CALLED 'NOFRE REGULARS AIN'T NOT GONNA' WANNA
hear this--but your chance of being 'Nofre Legends are Slim and None, and Slim rode out of town 20 minutes ago, if you know what I mean. Your 'Nofre beach is being annexed by unknowns wanting a beach at which they can feel welcome by everybody on the road. No, chuck, Dudes, it's happening right before your eye. NOW! TODAY! THIS MONTH! The end is near REPENT! This will be
the last year of the SOSC as you know it. The only hope of saving your SOSC is the Messiah who just arrived from Walnut Creek way up north by Danville. I sure hope he can put things back in order, 'cause if not, SOSC members, your days are numbered
TUBESTEAK/LATER.ALLIGATORS

EVERYONE HERE IS GOING TO oCEASIDE LONGBOARD ASSOCIATION'S
Annual "Ham Scramble and Bloody Mary" freebie today at the OS
VFW Hall, then back to 'Nofre to witness the "Beautiful People" in action. See you with the Aloha Spirit at noon, with more bad news from the SOSC BOD. Yes, another dues increase.
TUBESTEAK/POOR.SANO