August 10, 2004 Last minute rehearsal schedule.

The huge McDonald's Skybox is on the way from Tucson for Saturday's
Surfer Craig's live and in color radio show from Ol' 'Nofre's Annual Surf Contest.
Costing an approximate $750,000.00 the converted Land Yacht will be
headquarters for the Surfer Craig, Hal Dairywimple, and "Officer" Bob Krupke
Show. Airtime is Saturday 6:00 AM sharp on KRSO. Today is the "Ice Breaker
Buffet and Social Hour" at 2:00 PM sharp, open to all Club Members and their
friends. Menu consist of powerful triple Daiquiris, jumbo Malaysian Shrimp,
chips and dip, pineapple, watermelon, grapes, cantaloupe, bar-b-cue sausage,
ice-cold beer on tap, peanuts and whiskey, big, black Cuban Cigars, all sponsored
by the SOSC BOD. That's today, Friday, at 2:00 PM, Ol'Man's. Be there or be square!

Written by Adam P. and JT, Public Address Announcers.
BRUCE SAVAGE AND ASSOCIATES

August 9, 2004 CONTEST UPDATE.

The SOSC BOD extended an invitation for BIGKOOK to open the contest
with the Invocation and Benediction immediately preceding the opening heat,
consisting of glassy surf conditions for Junior boys and girlies under eight years
riding a canvas inflatable surf mat. This is the judges favorite event. It's
guaranteed glass, and not to far from shore. An additional heat is added for old
people, (62 plus) titled "Assisted Living Heat" scheduled for 4:20 PM. Another
setback, Tony's El Camino Catering Service will not be allowed on the beach after
10:00 AM both days. An undisclosed judge mentioned, be first in your heat
to catch a wave, stand up, do terrible, and the judges will give you a low score.
Judges always base the heat on the first wave caught, and judge accordingly
thereafter. Catch your second wave, tear it up, and you'll advance for sure. As in
all contests, judges tend to be "tough", but one judge is the "surfer's friend".
You all know his name. Never ask a judge prior to your heat what he's
looking for, the only thing on his mind is "coffee and doughnuts".
One more time: The line will be unmercifuly long both days. Don't be shut out.

Written and Produced by "Wino" Joe Blowe
BRUCE SAVAGE AND ASSOCIATES

September 8, 2004 CONTEST UPDATE

Finally, some good news! In a bold and unprecedented gambit, our SOSC BOD
sanctioned an exhibition heat for team bocci-ball players following children
canvas surf mat competition early Saturday when the Girly-Boy tandem was
deep-sixed. BUT--the bad news. New alcohol rules go in effect Saturday, the
morning of the contest. The fine/assessment for hootch on the sand is $250.00
plus $150.00 administration fee. Wine sniffing dogs will be handled under
authority of Regional District Supervisor Otto Schnabel. All Rangers have been
instructed, ignorance is no excuse for the law. Heat sheets will be released
Thursday when contest judges return from the eye doctor. Parking
enforcement will be under the direction of Dunniven Tow-Away service.
Haw'n Gardens will not be allowed to park six deep sideways with bar-b- cues
in the middle of the dirty and dusty road, which is an emergency ingress and
egress for fire trucks and red cross ambulances. Friday at 5:00 PM auditions
for stand-by announcers will be held at Bldg. #4. Please bring your audition tape.
Good luck to all contestants, and those caught drinking on the beach, because
you're going to jail. State of California wants this to be a safe and sane contest.

Written by Jeff Luton.
BRUCE SAVAGE AND ASSOCIATES

SPECIAL WEATHER WARNING ISSUED 9/7/2004

Profit Sableau, Clairvoyant that he is, issued a horrifying prediction
involving south Orange County, San Mateo Creek in particular. Sableau's
confidence is high that sometime this month, upstream San Mosquito
Dam will burst, sending bazillons of cubic feet of water and a wall of mud
crashing through the Creek, sweeping hundreds of unwary campers,
surfboards, backrests, bogggie-boards, and tear-drop trailers, to a tragic,
and watery grave, sucked out to sea at nearby shark infested "Lowers".
Sableau indicates the inevitably but it's exact date is unclear, only
September, 2994. A temporary morgue and chapel will be available at
San Onofre Surfrider Beach beneath the palm-frond shack. This warning
comes as a PSA from California State Park System.

END OF FLOOD WARNING EMERGENCY SYSTEM 0730 9/7/2004

As a precaution all middle aged surfers will wear colored life-preservers in
case of an emergency during this weekend's contest and all are advised to
wear heavy duty safety-leashes.

Written by Harry Beard and the National Weather Service
BUCE SAVAGE AND ASSOCIATES

August 6, 2004 CONTEST CENTRAL

The Beach Marshall has spoken. There will be no change in heats opening day.
"Chips" and girlies will go as scheduled, they cannot tailor the contest after what
the old guys want. If your heat is schedule for 2:00 PM Saturday then you must
check in by 1:45 PM, no exceptions, no refunds and the SOSC BOD is not
open for discussion Period! End of report! Children's safety takes priority over
"old timer's" comfort. The mothers of the children are ecstatic, they will be
in the contest area to push their baby off. There shall be strict enforcement of
entry fees: no receipt, no enter. More good news! Novice mixed tandem heat
are extended from one hour to ninety minutes to assure everyone a fair chance
of catching their fair share of waves. Amateur boogie heats will be first in water.
Capistrano Ford offered a 2005 yellow Thunderbird convertible to the winner
of the Vons Morang Memorial Perpetual Trophy, however, the SOSC BOD
voted against it, indicating it takes away from the "family aspect" of the contest
turning the event into a "professional fiasco".

Written by "Turtle" Unique.
BRUCE SAVAGE AND ASSOCIATES

September 5, 2004 CONTEST CENTRAL

There sure was a lot of Email last night regarding "chips" and little girly
heats being sent in the water at 7:00 AM contest day. The old guys claim
their heats are always dispatched in the afternoon, when the ocean's choppiest.
Children are terrified not knowing the difference between glass and chop.
They have a point. Sixty-five year old guys have trouble catching waves in
extremely agitated water. You can take it to the bank, boogies, girlies "chips
off the old block" will get plenty of glass time early AM. Older judge's eyes fail
late in the afternoon looking in the bright sun all day with no shade furnished.
The girlies and little "chips" won't go out far so it's easy for the adjudicators to
judge them. The contest higher ups, however, don't want to upset the children's
moms so they're not going to rock the proverbial boat. It was discussed behind
closed BOD doors, if you complain enough they'll allow cry-baby heats. Great
move for Bulky-Tee Shirt sales with plenty of XXL's in stock. The club should net
over $10,500.00 in sales. Which brings to mind, there's an alternative to
the good old stand-by 50th Anniversary shirts, the mystery guest will have
bundles of glossy 8X10's on hand for souvenir hunters."The McDonalds Sky
Box" arrives Friday PM for the Celebrity Gathering [I/O].

Written by Sam Conroy.
BRUCE SAVAGE AND ASSOCIATES