RANGER DAIRYWIMPLE IS AN INCREDIBLE SOURCE of information.

Yesterday he guided us through the evolution of San Onofre's

popular "Bamboo Forest." Now, today, he's escorting the group through

Warzone's mosquito infested Toilet #4's "Overflow Sanitization

By-pass Flow. Because of the unexpected use of the privy, its

cesspool cannot completely process the raw sewage. The waste

runs freely over the primitive dirt road for fifty feet emptying

into the sump adjacent to Bamboo Forest #1. Ranger Dairywimple

explained, although the stench is unbearable, TEAMBIGKOOK feels

it keeps the tourists away. It was noted how lush and green

vegetation looked because of the fertilized water. If Ranger Dairywimple

discovered "THE TEAM" had used the mussel notification signs (the ones

warning not to eat shellfish during month's with "r" in it's name)

as firewood he'd hit the ceiling..

TUBESTEAK/ZUMANATARIAN

SAN ONOFRE IS NOTORIUS FOR ITS CONTRIBUTION to surfing.

Take the bamboo forest for example. When the WWII vets

arrived in North San Diego County in the late forties the beach

was desolate unattractive as unattractive can be. One of San

Onofre's early riders was a popular rascal named Guisippe

Bamboozalado. Southern California's coast historically is

an arrid desert, documented by Land Tile Company reading

material. Having spent years in North Africa chasing "The

Desert Fox" he became disenchanted by sand sans

vegetation. This is what San Onofre by the Sea appeared

to him--a desert! Bamboozalado was good friends with

Ernie Pendelton, after whom Camp Pendelton is named.

San Onofre cronies were estatic, "Tell Pendelton you want

to remembered down here. Tell him you want to plant

bamboo, Guisippe, that way they'll remember Bamboozalado

forever. This is how, 65 years ago, San Onofre's Bamboo

Forrest was born.

TUBESTEAK/CHICAGO.TITLE

LOOK, MY FRIENDS, INTO THE CRYSTAL BALL. See your future unfold

before your eyes. See ABC, CBS, and NBC, local news and wonder what's

happening to your country. See the carnage, brutality, murder,

is there no end? It's just a matter of time. Don't forget the Latino

Boycott, December 12th. They ain't joking. They demand walk-over

citizenship, and they want it now! 12/12/2003 is HUELGA! You might

as well bend over, stick your head between your legs, and

kiss your ass goodbye.

TUBESTEAK/OLVERA STREET

JUST WHEN THEY THOUGHT it was safe to go back in the water,

the SANO BOD was dealt another crippling blow. Pop Parker original

member of the real Onofre Surfing Club turns 90 years

this Sunday. The Board of Dictators applied for a centurion Permit

for "Pop's" 100th BD party but was turned down because Ranger

Dairywimple had promised a permit for TEAMBIGKOOK'S First

Ever "COOK ALONG". The territory allotted is from Warzone's Sump to

Jim Irwin's Propeller Shrine. There will be a motorcade from the

fashionable "Rib Trader Restaurant" to San Onofre Beach.

THEBIGKOOK is the Grand Marshall.

NOW I'VE SEEN EVERYTHING! San Onofre Residential Surfrider State Beach is not

as bad as it appears. Primitive as people want it, colorless as colorless can be,

landscape disaster, boulders in the bypass line, traffic cones, and this is only on the

bluff, dead fish smelling up the ocean. Forget it! For the shock of your life take

time to visit Dana West Basin Yacht area. Dogs, clowns, seniors, halfwits, mumblers,

line skaters, foreigners, hunchbacks, wine-o's, with a myriad of freaks and wizards.

"Everybody comes to California has a dream. What's your dream, baby?" So,

tomorrow I'm going back to SANO and see the same mess. Same crap, different day.

TUBESTEAK/PALM DESERT

RIGHT NOW THE MOST OVERUSED BEACH CLICHE IS: "HEY NOW!" Somebody the
other day at the IBLS Union asked what's my favorite "Surf Trip" tune while driving up
PCH 101 on a summer beach day. I almost said, "Pa-pa Omm-Mow-Mow, but I didn't.
My #1 "Surf Riding" ditty is, you guessed it, "Daddy Took Ny Tee-Bird Away" by
you know whom. Think it over.
TUBESTEAK/TOP40