SHAKA, BRA! HOWZEET? Oh, Boy, Bob Dylan was right, "Times they

are a changing....." Later on ,this cold Janurary morning, Paul

"Cheater Five" Strauch, "Turnkey" Keeper, "Birdman" Williams, SOHSC

will meet to discuss with Ranger Dairywimple and

Craig "The Enforcer" Ephraim, the inevitable merger between

the SOSC and the SOHSC that will be perpetual. Although,

none of the SOSC BOD are "seasoned" enough to recall

the San Onofre "Old Times" when Saturday nights were

a ritual down by the weatherbeaten old shack, listening to

Webly Edwards and Hilo Hattie broadcasting on "Hawaii

Calls" from the Moana Hotel , Waikiki Beach. The BOD glad to rid

the beach of TEAMBIGKOOK is seriously considering the

merger which calls for the union of the Hawaiian Outrigger

Canoe Club with San Onofre's KayaK Klub, "The Prowlers"

from Community Talega. The Pow Wow starts at 10:00 AM,

PST. I'll be there to vote against the proposal. Munoz once

told me there should be no cliques in surfing. Minutes

of the meeting tomorrow if you're interested.

TUBESTEAK/A L O H A A A

TODAY WAS THE DAY. THE COUNTY DUMP ARRIVED to dispose of all items

used by the TEAMBIGKOOK after they were thrown off the beach at Rancho

San Onofre. Solag Waste Dept. Inc. backed in a special heavy duty blue

haz-mat dumpster, filling it with lawn chairs, junky, battered,

tables, tikis, moldy ice chests, discarded chardonnay wine bottles,

car batteries, girlie magazines, a kitchen sink, porcelain toilet

bowl, bar-b-ques, a 50# sack of something, and spark plugs.

Ranger Dairywimple and "The Enforcer" heaved a huge sigh

of relief. As the lady the other day said, "Good riddance to

bad rubbish."

TUBESTEAK/BLOGGER

RANCHO SAN ONOFRE FINALLY HAS THE ALBATROSS REMOVED

that hung from it's neck. Rancho San Onofre is back in it's natural

element. The beach is deep, layered with unblemished sand,

the water a true aquamarine color, sand crabs scurried over

it's damp tidal sand, sandpipers in hot pursuit. High tide raked

the sea pebbles, hissing, back to the berm, gray pelicans

glided in an upcurrant from a fast moving comber, visibility

was unlimited, you could reach out and touch San Clemente

Island, clouds were wispy, moving silently through the sky.

Life at the Rancho was pleasant, wildlife flourished starfish,

bright orange and plump, shells buried in wet moss, colorful

rocks, glistening lavenders, sea sponges enveloped in sea

grass. Tom Blake, Sufing Sam Reid, and the Duke must have

encompassed the beauty of the Rancho. Then it happened.

TUBESTEAK/ENVIROMENTALIST

IT WAS SORT OF A MIXTURE OF MLK DAY, THE AYATOLLAH'S Hostage

Parade during the '70s, and the capture of the Frankenstien monster

all rolled into one. Naturally, TEAMBIGKOOK was unable to secure

$3,000.00 the State and SOSC BOD demanded to impound "Great

White" van for several Vehicle and State Violations regarding

"Handicapped Parking Only" warnings. McDonald Towing was notified

to bring the "flat bed" truck and as the "Enforcer" said, "Get the

damn thing outta' here!" And they did. Being a National Holiday,

all of Taleaga arrived in their Hummers, SUV's. kids, their dogs, all

enjoying the good life, coming to see TEAMBIGKOOK emasculated.

Lining both sides, up to the log barricade, they erupted into an

uncontrollable frenzy. They were there for the kill, it was not

unlike a "toro" being pulled from the arena for the slaughterhouse.

Eleven AM sharp, perched upon the flat-bed salvage truck, its headlights

seemed to be droopy and tearfilled, the dust coated windshield was scrawled,

"Wash Me", quivering on the truck, Craig "The Enforcer" Ephraim twirled

is index finger through the sun-roof for Ernie the driver to move forward.

Slowly the diesel cab chugged ahead, Taleagalites chanting, "Kook, Kook,

KooK, as Ernie moved ahead, it was almost as if "The Great White Van"

was crying. "The Enforcer" feeling the adenalin, stood up through the sun roof,

reached down ,picked up a heavy, yellow, Denver Boot, raised it above his

head for all to witness, a sign of victory for the SOSC. Somebody

in the crowd unmercifully sceamed, "Good riddance to bad rubbish"

as the procession trekked toward the County Dump. We hope

TEAMBIGKOOK can come up with a solution before it's too late.

THANK GOODNESS SOMEONE HAD PRESENCE OF MIND to video

the fiasco at Rancho San Onofre yesterday morning. It depicts Ranger

Dairywimple, Deputy Pro- Tem; NeoN D. Surfer, and Craig "The Enforcer"

Ephraim, slapping the "Denver Boot" on the Great White Van, rousting

the occupants, all members of TEAM al-BIGKOOK, swinging open the

side door, revealing Sluggo, Messenger, Sea Slug, Horsehead, and

Grunion. TEAM al-BIGKOOK was escorted to the bamboo

forest adjacent to the banana plantation, ordered to sit on the splintery

creosote soaked retaining log, read their rights and interrogated on the spot.

Deputy NeoN, what's the beef? We ain't done nothing, said Sluggo. Yeah,

snickered "The Enforcer", you ain't done nothing. Look at the "Handicapped

Parking Only" sign. Where's your blue placard? BIGKOOK must have it at home,

said Grunion. Okay, boys, here's what we got. $279.00 Handicapped Parking

violation, $2,500.00 Denver Boot removal fee, $500.00 reinstatement fee, and

all this responsibilty of BIGKOOK, payable cash only by 8:00 PM tonight

or we call the man with the hook. The TEAM looked at each other, Grunion s

saying, This ain't gonna set too good with BIGKOOK. You ain't not

kidding, chided NeoN.

TUBWSTEAK/DARK.CLOUDS.ON.THE.HORIZON

CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUG, THUMPA THUMPA THUMP, SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK

Here they come now, said Ranger Dairywimple just above a whisper.

Ranger sat on the slope above Bldg. #4, Toilet #6, between NeoN D.

Surfer, and Craig "The Enforcer" Epfraim, overlooking the "primitive

dirt road leading to the beach. Just as anticipated the "Great White Van"

eased into the forbidden "Handicapped Parking Zone" ' sat there steam

swirling from beneath the hood. Okay, boys, we got 'em now, said NeoN

D. Surfer, Deputy Parking Enforcement, Assignment Overload. The van

steadied then settled, the only sound hissing . Ranger Dairywimple said, Okay,

team, we got 'them now. On a winter morning darkness linger forever, a good

cover for the three to sneak across the "primitive dirt road" and attach

the "Denver Boot" to the right front wheel, totally immobilizing the vehicle.

The TEAM unaware of what was happening, slept right through. Soon, as

the sun appeared above the cliff, did someone inside stir. Sluggo raised

his head above the steamed window, rubbed a circle on it for a outside

view, smelled a "rat", swung open the passenger door, looking down

at the bright yellow iron boot. He said, gang, somethings going on here,

get up and look at this. TEAMBIGKOOK stepped out of the "Great White"

van, leaned against the "Handicapped Parking Only" sign on the

pole and said, What the heck is that, staring at the yellow "Denver Boot".

TUBESTEAK/STAY.TUNED