October 9, 2004 Contest Jitters.

Martha Sewart--jail. TUBESTEAK--Sam Onofre. SOSC BOD--Alan Seymour. John
and Ken--Hi's. State Rangers--Terry Beard. Doug Harding--Q-Ball.

Written by Rtck Heil.
BRUCE SAVAFE AND ASSOCIATES

October 8, 2004 Pavilion of Justice

Another spike in gas is all we needed. The oil profiteers are raking it in.
John and Ken are right, we have been annexed. The good news is Ranger
Dairywimple issued a floating permit offshore NofreNation to Rubber
Tycoons Billy and Bobby Mistrial's massive Body Gloved yacht, for gambling
purposes only. Permit fees were a meager $5.00 per diem. More good news,
our SOSC BOD refuse to support this weekend's Girlee Surf Contest. Why?
I don't know why, but it sure frees up a bunch of parking spots for the beach
retailers. Thanks BOD. The Immortal Legend's Outlet will feature
"90265" (very limited supply) , personalized glossy 8X10 of the Living Legend's
copy of the "Surfer's Prayer" while supplies last, and complimentary family
photo taken with TUBESTEAK/90265. Arrive early, don't be shut out!

Written by Uncle Val Gee
BRUCE SAVAGE AND ASSOCIATES

October 7, 2004 Countdown continues!

You can feel electricity in the air. Alan Seymoure's existing Roxy All girlie
Contest opens Saturday with their Children's Canvas Surf Matt Extravaganza
at Third Reef, a.k.a. Old Mans, for all the marbles. If all Girlie inflated mattresses
ain't your cup o' tea, mosey a few yards south for the Legends Surf Museum and
Tourist Center where campy and Bulky Tees, personalized glossies, memorabilia,
suaveness, will be displayed for sale for under $50.00. Because of the SOSC BOD
boycott, they'll will be plenty of parking by the Bamboo Room picnic table.
Tony's Catering truck will be there early with hot, black Starbuck coffee, warm
cinnamon rolls, and homemade tamales. Although there's no Club discount, prices
will be competitive as usual. Beach regulars are either on parole or probation so
it's unlikely to be any DWI's.

Written by Jerry Beard.
BRUCE SAVAGE AND ASSOCIATES SAN FRANCISCO

October 6, 2004 Mountain folk come to NofreNation

News of "Roxy Network Surfing" spread like wildfire. All over Socal,
from Yermo to Temeculah, reservations are pouring in for Alan
Seymour's "Women and Girl's Synchronized Surfing Contest" held at
NofreNation this weekend. Answering the call will be Jim Irwenski,
Scotty French, Shecky, Cueball, and Al Gee, calling the wave by wave
action. Tony's Ranch Market is issued a two day permit for their "La
Cucuracha" catering truck selling breakfast burritos, chimichanga,
chili con carne, menudo, and hot chili peppers, with ice-cold Modello
to wash it down. Gatekeeper Donn reported an expected early shutdown
of the ingress line and said unless you're at NofreNation by 4:00 AM
Saturday you'd best stay at home. SOSC BOD has blatantly boycotted
Seymour's event freeing up so many extra parking spots for the
outsider's motor coaches that if you can produce an out of county address
you will drive right in. Tony's Catering agreed to a 15% discount on all
food items. The State lifeguards will allow for this weekend only, the ban
on inflatable canvas surf mattresses between Old Man's and Mecca, so
bring the kiddies.

Written by Larry Sloth
BRUCE SAVAGE AND ASSOCIATES NORTH HOLLYWOOD

October 5, 2004 The whole truth and nothing but!

Well, it finally arrived. Almost. This weekend is the colossal
NofreNation Flea Market Extravaganza, celebrating Roxy's
all girl suffering contest. Not only will there be a two day Aqua
Celebration, but a Legend's Galaxy Collection and Sale, including glossy
8X10's of your favorite heroes, both living and dead. Available will
be '50th Annivesery Bulky 90265 Tees, gizmos, curios, amulets,
rabbits foot, laminated four leaf clovers, charms of all sorts, magic
wax, autographs, free surf forecasts, family photographs taken with
TUBESTEAK/MALIBU, personalized of course. There will be breakfast
on the beach behind Old Man's, ice cold beer, chips and salsa, door prizes,
three legged sack race, hog calling contest, dog and pony show, auditions
for the Millionaire series, free tour of SONGS, and a mock-up paddle out
on Saturday. All this free upon arrival at the fairgrounds by the palm
frond shack. Free corsages to the first 50 women and girls. Festivities
begin at 6:00 AM Saturday. Cameo appeatance by "The Davld".

Written by Hal Dairywimple
BRUCE SAVAGE AND ASSOCIATES VENTURA

October 3, 2004 The whole truth and nothing but.

BIGKOOK was placed under Citizen's Arrest by Rangers
Dairywimple and Ephriam. The charge, alledgedly drinking cheap wine out
of a Dunkin' Doughnut 16 ouncer. Apparently, someone from the SOSC
BOD set up a sting operation after the busted the "real old" timers orchestra
Wednesday evening causing the fiddle player [88 yo] to request an oxygen
tank for assisted breathing. One BOD felt BIGKOOK had finked on Clarence
and set up a sting operation to entrap the BIGKOOK. A trained booze sniffing
Doberman, led Dairywimple to the culprit, who took one look at the snarling
animal surrendering immediately, led away to Vista where bail was set at
$50,000.00. Years ago at Malibu Beach there was a group of carefree surfers,
all members of the Uptown Surf Club, Legends in their own right Beatle Bailey,
Kemp Aaberg, Lance Carson, Tom Morey, Bubblehead, Miki Dora, Munoz, "Little"
Johhny Fain, "The Noodle", Johhny Go Fast, "Whitewater", Moondoggie,
Peter Cole, Dewey Weber, "Windbag, Beverly Beer Can (the only authorized
girl surfer), and all others who met an untimely agonizing death. But the
point is, can you imagine how horriblel things might have been if they'd
outlawed hootch on the beach. Poor Malibu would've wound up just
like San Onofre [UGH]. There is a Surfrider Foundation, Malibu Chapter,
and they have aluminum cans and plastic bottles for the recycle bin. Farrold
Headd would have had his stencil kit, spray can, and a steady hand to paint on
the side of a 55 gallon drum, "Please Discard All Reusable Containers
In This Container. Thank You, Your Surfrider Foundation." We'd
have made a fortune cashing in the bounty.

Written by Malibu Mike Hunt
BRUCE SAVAGE AND ASSOCIATES ESQ.

October 2, 2004 My, how time flies.

Coming up is the first anniversary of Pappy Parker's untimely demise at
the ripe old age of 96 years. Last year at this time, during his 97th
Birthday Bash, Pappy fell face down onto his plate of mashed taters
'n gravy and died, right there on the beach. Today at 10:00 AM sharp
Sam Convoy and Viet Cong Morang will co-host Uncle Val's moving
eulogy, followed by, yet another, Nofrenation paddle out, then a massive
beach barbecue with nothing but free food and drink.

REMEMBRANCES PLEASE.

October 2, 2003
"...why all the fuss, the San Onofre Surf
Bash for "Pappy" Parker who welcomes his 97th anniversary
the same day Ranger Diarywimple issued the permit for
TEAMBIGDUKE'S First Ever barbecue "Cook Along"
at Main Beach, SANO. The overwhelming confusion
is what is a "Cook Along". According to Ranger Dairywimple,
a "Cook Along" is held outdoors with a maximum of 50
picnic tables spread out so the Teams can move
along sampling the feast's food and drink. It was obvious
TEAMBIGDUKE was not interested in invitations for the
3,012 members of the SOSC (let alone their families
and friends). Ranger Dairywimple stepped in, suggesting
"Pappy" Parker's B-Day commitee move "Pappy's" gig to
"Dogpatch". We'll keep you posted, because this edict
ain't gonna' set to good with Club members. Regardless,
"Happy Birthday, Pappy".

Written by Mike Hunt.
BRUCE SAVAGE ALOHA ENTERTAINMENT SYSTEMS INC.