Finally, a Tribute to the Great Legends of San Onofre Past.
If you ain't never lived in LA, you don't know Jack Schitt.
It's been a long time coming, but we welcome it with open arms,
kinda like a zeugma. SOSC BOD feeling the pressure of being a
non-descript surf beach welcomes nominations for the sandstone
cliffs "Surfing's Mt. Rushmore". Several names are considered
with Doc Paskowitz, Bob Keifer, Tom Witt, Mark Reynolds, Al Gee,
Sam "The Man" Conroy, Tom Witt, Vonzo Moronzo, and everyone's
favorite, Al Gee SOSC BOD. Four will be honored on the bluff
overlooking the rickety, dilapidated palm frond shack. Although
I was 86'd from the SOSC, I highly recommend the following: Bob
Larson, anyone in the Haw'n Garden's San Onofre Surf Club, Lestor
Williams VP San Onofre Surfing Club. The Club feels out of their
2,500 membership, he sculpture on the cliff's face will represent
surfing's finest, and SANO'S step foward in surfing's invincibleness.

Written by Larry Boss
BRUCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES

Gas prices are going right through ceiling and beyond. Crapp, I went all the way to the animal shelter, picked up my new
animal down in the bed of my F250, hopped on the freeway,
sure as hell, pooch chewed through, terrified of traffic noise,
jumped out at Las Pulgas, struck by a Fairlane van filled
with illegals on their way to Rowland Heights. The noise was
horrifying, The stupid damn animal apperared to be dead, but the
silly damn thing wouldn't stop yelping. Oh yeah, there ain't no
chance they'll ever come back to where they belong as long as
Bush is president. Bush and his cohorts own all the refineries
in Texas, if they wanted reasonable prices they wouldn't allow
the President of California, Vincente Fox.

Written by Jose Raul Carlos Gomez.
BRUCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES

The State of California, in an effort to clean up the beach,
decided to parcel off the 1.2 mile stretch of beach front
lots for a nifty $700,000.00 per 50'plot. This is a
bargain considering a 30'beach front lot in Malibu CA
commands $2,500,000.00. Dairywimple and Ranger Ephriam
were making "FOR SALE" signs to post along Basilone Road
this holiday weekend. Their promotion includes "breathtaking
whitewater views","Catalina Island Spectacular", close to
Dana Point Harbor, with all the amenities. Orders will be
taken starting Memorial Day weekend. I know they'll sell
like "hotcakes" at that price. One sidenote. The way things
are going President Fox and "soy puppet" Double Ewe Bush with
his bievenidos mat, you'll likely wake up beneath a mushroom
cloud and sires blaring through the night. The more you look
at thimgs the worse they are. Just curious, what is the ethnicity
of the perperators of all violent crimes. Now that I think it over
forget the beach front property. Buy Mexican pesos. What dies your
President accomplish by putting ehe welcome mat for El Salvadorians
to come here living off you sympatico gringos.

Written by Chupe Lemos.
BRUCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES

Welcome to California, the newest third world country on the
planet. Mexicanos has driven the popolos out of Watts (a.k.a.
Sur Centro LA). Jose Raul Pena was exterminated there yesterday.
Mayor Villariagosa is figuring which spin he should put on this,
while praying the victem was here legally, not illegally, now,
what do you think, legal or what? San Onofre is worse than ever,
they had the great white shark attack that almost had himself a
feast with that Hi' fanilia from Herrudura DF atempting to reap
the rewards of the USA at our expense. It may be just a coincidce
that Range Dairywimple spotted a giant mountain lion stalking
"baby beach central" Sunday noon.

Written by Chuy Marcello Rendon.
BRUCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES

Yet another real life shark scare at The 'Nofre.
A bulletin sat on Ranger Harold Dairywimple's inbox,
it wasn't good news. This morning's air was heavy with
the smell of plankton. Plankton is shark food. They are
compelled to attack anything, and everything, in sight,
especially surfboard riders with pasty white legs
dangling from his longboard. Regardless of the species,
sharks will gobble you up then deposit your remains on the
ocean floor. How ungodly to be treated like that. Spending
the rest of eternity as shark crap on the ocean floor. YUCK!
We don't know why sharks react like that, other than the musty
smell of barefeet. Several years back a rogue Bull Shark
attacked a skim boarder, knocking him from his vehicle, slowly
gobbling him up head first, then, get this, regurgitating
the half eaten torso at the waist. It was gruesome alright,
especially when a huge familia of 18, mother, father, abuela,
and all the ninos were wading in shallow water within ten feet of
the bloody attack. I think that may have sent them back from where
they came.

Written by Larry H. Parker.
BRUCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES