January 14, 2004 Great news for all.

The Army Corp of Engineers have restored Old 'Nofre to herself again
and will be open for business as usual tomorrow, Saturday. Because of
any inconveniance caused, $15.00 gate admission fee will be waived. If
you've paid fo an annual pass, lunch buffet will be served free of charge
compliments of Zone Mecca. Rangers Hal and Craig shall make an
important announcement regarding Native-American and Tralilos
rights to the beach for Season 2005 and surfer's priorities over the park.
Ranger Hal stated the maximum increse for the summr can be adjusted
no more than 25%, which is good news for the influx of freeloaders
from Casa La Panocha.

Written by R. "Bob"Larson (Ret.)
BRUCE SAVAGE AND ASSOCIATES

January 13, 2005 A helping hand.

La Conchita's lousy fortune has been felt by all, but no more
than Old 'Nofre, as photos reveal. Do not ask your new girlfriend
what "la conchita" means if you treasure your life. Nevertheless,
you all know what a panuche is, that's the solidarity is. La Panuhe's
BOD has their hanfulls for the coming ten months. Why the solidarity.
easy, up north the free spirits love food stamps and welfare, but hate
authority as bad as people from Pelican's Cove. Haw! Right on, brother.

Written by Nutz Groagin
BRUCE SAVAGE AND ASSOCIATES

January 13, 2005

Because of emergency services, FEMA has allocated
$2,300,000.00 for beach ckean-up wlth a ptoviso,
SOSC, BOD, and general membership, must lay asdide
theur alcohol and get to work gathering all dunnage and
driftwood this weekend (rain or shine). All money will go
directly to the BOD to use as they see fit. Trustee for the
funds, if collectable, will be the Rib Trader Restaurant
on El Camino Ave.

January 11, 2005 Fifty years after.

Do any of you remember January 10, 1953? I thought not.
That monumental day in surfing made child's play of last
week's showers, with huge waves measuring twenty five feet
in height from Rincon to Tiajuana Sloughs. No, they didn't shut
down 'Nofre either. Holy schitt, you can't believe the total damage
to our poor poor Old 'Nofre, and it's getting worse. No road, no sand,
lots of debri, filthy Pampers, an old decaaitated goat's head, buried
VW, remainder of Mecca's windindicator. Uh, uh, just saw film of
La Conchita (the little shell) , and thought I'd better check
Óld Noftre's'so called devistation. compared tu Ventura County,
San Onofre ain't Jack Schitt. I wish those guys would stop whining
all the time. BIGKOOK is stuck in the Great White submerged in
six feet of water. If it rains anymore today they'll have to airlift him out.

Written by Johnny Mountain.
BRUCE SAVAGE AND ASSOCIATES

January, 10, 2005 Devastation runs amuck.

Ranger Hal Dairywimple presented the SOSC BOD with Damage
Control for the recent Pineapple/Mexican/Polar Express storm damages,
and it is staggering. "...Holy K E E R Y S T what was that..."? SNAP!
BAWOOM! WHAM! POP! "Mother come quick, I think lightning hit the
SCGE iransformer. I can smell it, oh Lord, I think we'vw gone off the
the air...squak...squack...buzz...pop! (EOT 8:OO AM. )

Written by T. Witt.
BRUCE SAVAGE AND ASSOCIATES

January 9, 2005 Flu epidemic hits 'Nofre.

Old 'Nofre is shut down, this time until Summer, 2005. Surfrider
Foundation declines clean-up assistance, coffee and donuts, and
Tee Shirts for clean up volunteers. The State sent all Rangers (except
Rangers Dairywimple and Ephriam, who are submerged up to the
neck in untreated waste at Bldg.#4.) , all lifeguards , and kiosk attendants.
Here's the prognosis: the approaching storm is the most devastating yet,
bordering om a level 4 tornado. In Short, it doesn't look good for Old 'Nofre,
there is neither beach nor road remaining due to [because of] the tsunami style
8'7" gravitational high tides. There is no beach, it's gone.

Written by George Fishbeck.
BRUCE SAVAGE AND ASSOCIATES