IN BAJA NORTE, SOUTH OF ROSARITO BEACH THERE'S A FISH CAMP. Occupied by bait people, wild dogs, mangy cats, loud Ranchero Musica, not unlike Rancho San Onofre, the fish camp is called Popoltla. It sets not a few kilometers from Rosarito where Titanic exteriors were filmed. It may have been several old timers coming north in the early '30' stumbled across the sleepy "campo de los pescados" thinking, if we ever arrive in North San Diego County this could be a model surf spot. San Onofre had tried preserving itself for Freeth, Reid, Blake, Oshier, and "The Duke", but it seems San Onofre was founded as a Popoltla "Fish Camp" and not as surfing's historians claim, "Pioneers of Surfing" c. 1928. The storied "fish taco" was originated at Popoltla by Abraham Paskowitz, in 1978, the first ever consumed in North America. Martin Martinez, "campo jefe", wishes they could pave the dirt road, it's too hot and dusty. What about heritage? Bullshit on heritage, Martin said, we want Popoltla upgraded to the 21st Century. Right on, Vato!
TUBESTEAK/KEEPING.IT.REAL

WE ALWAYS ASSUMED THE "PRIMITIVE DIRT ROAD" WAS TO KEEP 'NOFRE the way it was seventy years back when George Freeth, Duke Kahanamoku, Tom Blake, Margaret Seivers, and E.J.Oshier, aimed their redwood logs along the undisturbed faces of 'Nofre.
Well, now this was not the case at all. A long, long, time ago Beach San Onofrius was, of all things, a "fish camp" for any one dumb enough to cough up two-bits to drive down the "enchanted dirt road" to dig clams. In the Portuguese Land Lease the dirt road was to remain unchanged for 199 years with a 50 year option. This is great news for the 3,500 members who want no change to the "primitive dirt road", keeping it the same as seventy years ago.
TUBESTEAK/HISTORIAN

I KNOW THIS'S GOING TO BREAK LITTLE LEAGUE SURFER PARENTS HEART, but surfing 's a tough sport. In other words, "ALL THAT GLITTERS AIN'T GOLD". The reason Edward Phillips didn't enjoy STAR CITY MALIBU was he surfed down here at Family Beach San Onofre and Doheny Picnic Grounds where it was safe. He could handle Fritz McGitz and Burrhead, L.J.Richards, but avoided STAR CITY MALIBU. Why, you ask? Well, if you were alive in them earlier times you'd be familiar with the "Big Names", Lance Carson, Dewey Weber, Freddy Pfhauler "Baby" Alan Gomes, Kemp Aaberg, Johnny Fain, Miki Dora, Tom Morey, Moondoggie, Kenny Price, Bobby Horner, Mat Kivlin, Rickey Grigg, Mickey Munoz, this was everyday. In order to be the best, you have to beat the best. Daily! H e l l o, San Onofre!
TUBESTEAK/BEEN.THERE.DRANK.THAT

POOR SAN ONOFRE HAS BEEN ANNEXED BY FREAKS. KNUCKLEHEADS, AND BOZOS! Members of the SOSC BOD huddled in their huge camper while outsiders took over the beach. I've been to Will Rodgers State Beach's Faggot Wall, South Bay's Strand, Los Alamitos Bay's from 2nd St. to Woodies Goodies, Santa Monica Pier, Main Beach Laguna, all "small potatoes" compared to the "New "Nofre. Cadet Ranger, Ephriam, was the only one on the beach with enough "huevos' to confront two turds from Rancho Santa Margarita digging up the newly planted foliage. He told a member of the BOD who directed Ephriam to the club Chaplain. Well, can you believe someone on the SOSC BOD would have the gall to tell the "Enforcer" to visit the Club Chaplain. A San Onofre Legend nearly sevened-out Sunday and where was the BOD, or for that matter, the SANO volleyballers, to take charge? A few years back, we had the same problem at Malibu's Pit, when San Fernando Valley jokers felt they deserved to be an intrical part of surfing and tried to barge-in. Well, guess what happened when they confronted Dora, Lance, Doyle, Aaberg, Bobby Patterson, Peter Cole, they weren't told to visit Malibu's Chaplain. Hell, no! we brought down a 60' x 6' high barbed wire enclosure around the SHACK. Hell, we didn't no goddam Chaplain. They got the message and went back to Panorama City. Wake up, SOSC BOD, get tough or get lost.
Malibu never took pride in being a "family beach."
TUBESTEAK/90265

ATTENTION! ALL UNITS! REPORT TO SURFRIDER BEACH BLDG. 4 TOILET 6! MAN DOWN!

Code three! All Units....It was the worse day at the beach since Memorial Day, Malibu,

1960. Hook and ladders, tanker assists, ambulances, raced along the outdated "primitive

dirt road" led by Camp Pendleton Emergency Services, Lifeguard Vehicles, Twelve Ranger

Whites and a thousand gawkers. It turns out the "man down" is a famous SANO Legend.

whose name is being withheld pending notification. The incident put everyone on call as

to how precious life is. I fear yesterday is a harbringer of things to come this summer of

2004. I went back to my vehicle, locked myself in, turned on the radio for relaxation,

only , report of two rabbi infected dogs, the size of squirrels, attacked a little blond girl in

front of her terrified Talega Ranch parent who broke down and sobbed, "I've never seen

anything like this in my life what are these surfers, savages?" All this is going down

after Ranger Dairywimple called in sick,placing Ranger Cadet Ephriam in command.

Is first official act was taking NeoN with him, two Denver Boots down to the War Zone

because BIGKOOK filed a complaint against a Ranch Santa Margarita resident who told

BIGKOOK, "I can park any where I G.D. please." The visitor blocked BIGKOOK'S right to

ingress and egress. BIGKOOK has a new hair style, yesterday young girls mistook him for

actor, Mel Gibson. After watching yesterday's debacle, I doubt SANO makes it to

August.
TUBESTEAK/NO.MAS.NO.MAS

I'd be surprised.

RANGER DAIRYWIMPLE, "ENFORCER" AT HIS SIDE, LAID A DOSSIER ON THE TABLE. Mary Jo Leary, 7th generation "Great Chicago Fire" descendant, wants TUBESTEAK and the JUNTA removed from the beach. Claiming she was 4th generation SOSC member, friend of Barney Wilkes, member of the "Nofre Daughters of Surfing" Club, resident troublemaker, smelled a "rat" in the JUNTA'S takeover. Craig "Enforcement" Ephraim said Mary Jo is a walking time bomb, employed by the SOSC BOD for the sole purpose of keeping "rinkey-dinks such as the Junta off the beach. TUBESTEAK says it ain't gonna work until we see the Grant Deed to the property. This is our beach as much as hers, according to Gov.Arnie in his recent speech to all Californians. If she wants a fight we'll give 'her one, all she he has to do is take her shriveled prune-like eighty-four year old body to the Grand Opening of "Malibu Shirt Company of Legends", May 1, 2004 where she can meet all her favorites.
TUBESTEAK/AMBIGUOUS