January 8, 2005

Repent the end is near! For the third straight day Old 'Nofre's closed
due to [because of] muddy conditions, albeit, a contemporary Doheny
State Park is wide open, thanks to a paved asphalt road with marked
parking places for surfers, retirees, and travelers. This morning Old 'Nofre
had a silt attack leaving the filthy dirt road inaccessible exposing boulders,
cobblestones, and rebars, a safety hazard to beach goers. Dogpatch is
completely lost having been swept out to sea. Rangers Dairywimple and
Ephriam were down at Bldg. #4, toilets 1&2, wearing yellow haz-mat
protective gear to unplug the sanitation system before it's too late. With
Biblical rains on the way, it appears any, and all silt appears lost to
nature, one can imagine Old 'Nofre looks like the Nile Delta. Haw'n Surf Club
is accepting donations to save the beach when it re-opens this August.

Written by Cruz Bustamente.

BRUCE SAVAGE AND ASSOCIATES

january 7, 2005 Help I can't swim!

You ain't seen nothing yet. More and more rain is on the way,
it's not going to let up for weeks. Oh yeah, Old 'Nofre's shut
down as usual because of that stupid antiquated dirt road
that went out with high button shoes. It''s a shame the SOSC
BOD's so stuck in their ways. Well, stupid is as stupid does.
As a matter of fact, I'm heading to Doheny State Park with my
$5.00 Golden Bear Annual Pass and park on the beautful asphalt
parking tarmac. I sure ain't gonna sacrifice a day at the beach
because I'm set in my ways. Oh gawd, here comes another rain cell.
No matter, no way I'm gonna get bogged down in that SANO mud!

Written by Dallas Raines
BRUCE SAVAGE AND ASSOCIATES

Janurary 6, 2204 Wake me when it's over!

I hope it's only a bad dream, but, the barrio in which I reside had
visitors Monday, yesterday they moved in with their chickens,
goat--an old woman who is milking the goddam thing into a galvanized
bucket--roosters crowing at 5:00 AM, the whole enchie. I'm
looking outside, there's ninos riding skateboards where they're not
supposed to, there's a rusted '51 IM pick-up filled with flattened
cardboard, a boom-box blaring musica ranchero. Remember when
Ceasar Chavez Blvd. was called Brooklyn Ave? Please sweet Jesus,
say it aint so.

Written by Reuben Salazar La Opinion.
BRUCE SAVAGE AND ASSOCIATES

Janurary 3, 2005 A new beginning.

I don't know if any of you knew Miki Dora, Mike Hynson,
Butch vanArtsdalen, or Ricky Grigg, but they always had people
pissed at them. But nothing like the rash of schitt laid on
BIGKOOK after he absconded with two cases of chilled Andre
Champagne at the San 'Nofre Polar Bear/Iron Man Mixer
New Year's Day. BIGKOOK beat Terry Beard to the punch,
swinging with the festive grape while everyone was showing
their wares to everyone on the beach (in freezing 61o f. water).
Dogs barked, children screamed, bugles shattered the dawning
morning. Ranger Ephriam said a silent prayer that some unwanted
elemements were in BCN. Btw, it appeared BIGKOOK was easily
soused by 7:45 AM, just about the same time people started ragging
on him. He claimed the reason he drank so much it attenuated his
gnawing appetite. Pancakes, bacon, ham, eggs, and all trimmings were
to much for the BIGKOOK. saying had he drank and ate he'd
wind up calling the moose all morning. Which reminds me, at Malibu
in the old day it was tradition to attend Seen-Cha's pre Santa Anita's
party across the street from Gary Cooper's place on Saltair in Brentwood.
After drinking 151o Barcardi Cuba Libres all morning the Malibu
Iron men were blowing chunks, by the fith race dowm by the rail.
Ya'know, maybe BIGKOOK would've fit in with that Malibu crowd.

Written by Hot-Horse Harry
BRUCE SAVAGE AND ASSOCIATES