Amish Andy is here for the 'Nofre famous 3 day weekend culminating
with the firewoks "show of shows", including a dog and pony show,
cutest baby under 3, snarling dog contest, drunkest wan2bee 5th
generationers, Ralphing Prince, and Bob Mardian look-a-like hat
wearer. The balcony show will be held in San Clemente CA. Anyways,
the bypass line was the longest ever seen. Nearly a 4.5 hour wait
precluded your entry to the beach, but this was no problem as
tribe members convened from car to car rehashing old Barney Wilkes
and Eddie McBride stories. BIGK00K was with his new best friend,a monkey
he calls Dr.JuJu. BIGKOOK has his JuJu screaming up and down the beach
terrorizing all the loose dogs whose owners insist on taking them to
SANO and not the kennel where they belong. Because of the increasing
amount of alcoholics I departed early. Now here's a pregnant idea,
put the dogs in the kennel, and the drunks in Betty Ford Center.

Written by Alphonso Iglesias Mondragon.
BRUCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES

Deadline for the San Onofre Death March is today at 5:00 PM.
Don't be shut out. The Death March begins at the poor "Point",
parading along the dust filled dirt road. Entry fee for the
"March" is $35.00 per family, which includes the always popular
cherry-pit spitting contest. Ranger Ephriam will be hosting the
event. San Onofre, always the leader in beach activity, will
award the Vonzo Moronzo Gonzo Perpetual Trophy to whomever
discharges the largest spit. Children under 5 y/o will be judged
accordingly. The massive spitting will take place at urinal #5,
in front of Dogpatch. Cherris will not be provided, as Stater
Bros have them for .35 a lb.

Written by Mayor Villaregosa.
BRUCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES

They say they say your days are numbered at Old San Onofre.
Don't ask why, but a reliable Department of Parks
source sald because of repeated "Burials at Sea"
Gripes have been pouring in (pardon the metaphr)
complaining the beach and surf area is overwhelmed
with traffic and log-jams are becoming intolerable
We know the SOSC BOD will not tolerate this action.
They say Paddle Outs have been a right of passage for
5th generation members, and they won't take it
laying down (no pun intended)

Written by Digger O'Dell
BRUCE SAVADE SAND ASSOCIATES

Surfing's unanswered mystery. I've read, especially the last year, following the departure of the masses, mainly old fellows in their "golden years", while surfing in frigid warers at 6:30 AM. Today is going to be brief. What is the "gathering of the tribes" these people feel compelled to attend. I been surfing a long time, I ain't heard of no gathering of no tribes. Tell me please, what tribe?

Written by Mara Salvatruch.
BRUCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES