Proud as proud can be.

Hey now, my home break is "Doheny State Park Day Use", paved, striped,
real showers, and a breathtaking view of the Harbor. The moment the
gang sees Old 'Nofre's new "Road to Paradisio" they'll take off for SOSC to
try their luck with the creosote soaked "R2P" it'll soon make one forget
"the primitive 1940's dirt path". There will be a luau torch vigil paying
homage to Leslie "Birdman" Williams, Al "Hey Beerman "Gee, and of
course, Ranger Ephriam, all who were instrumental in improving
San Onofre for all non-members to use and enjoy this summer season.
They had a Town Hall meeting last night at the USMC Recreational
Center, and while the SOSC BOD couldn't agree on anything, except
dividing the beach into seven sections each with a mayor. Just as the
"Mayor of Malibu", for example, 'Nofre would have a Mayor of
Dogpatch, Bamboo Room, BIGKOOK'S, Haw'n Gardens, Punta Surfride,
each should be responsible for their sector. One advantage, the BOD
would be severely dissipated, you just don't need a Board with everyone
with the same last name making important surfing decisions, plus,
anyone over 38 would be ineligible to participate. Surfing is a young persons
game, old-timers, for obvious reasons, just don't belong in San Onofre
waters without a written Doctor's release on file. If you arrive early
tomorrow you will see Dewey Weber's Surf Team in action. I've seen
them, and believe it or not, they're midgets. They'll be at the end of
Road Paradisio in the Trademark Dewey Weber Van.

Written by Dr.Urine
BRUCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES

Repent, San Onofre, the end is near!

Things at that poor beach are going to hell in a handbasket.
This is April 18th, 2005. How many times have you received
a refund for the 12 days that SANO was closed due to [because
of] mud? Try $180.00, suckers. And the SOSC BOD refuses to
have the silly dirt road paved. Who knows, maybe Eddie McBride,
Peanuts Larson, Pop Procter, Dr.Barney Wlkes, and all the "old
timers", are gonna come back to life and witness how the dusty,
dirty, rocky, old primitive one mile path along the ocean looked as
it was in 1915. During the same 12 days during the rain, Doheny
State Beach was wide open because it's paved, smooth, and
drivable 24/7/365, plus if you wave at the Amtrak Engineer
he'll toot his airhorn for you. Maybe, the quality of surfers is
so indistinguishable they flock to Old 'Nofre because they'll all fit in.
San Onofre people take heed, you have no idea what you are in for
this summer of 2005. It's so trendy to create BLOGS refering to
people from northeast San Clemente as *Taleagalites*, however,
"...'you have nothing to fear but fear itself...." Taleaga for
you, "Ï only go to "Nofre on weekdays, " crowd, well yesterday
the Producer of this spot, Bruce "Loose in the Juice"Savage was
terrorized by invaders from Oceanside, Temeculah, Mission Pendejo,
all with animals from King Kong size to Taco Bell Chiuahuas. That mess at
Haw'n Gardens is kindergarten stuff compared to "Look at me,
I'm Sandra Dee", driving Saabs, Range Rovers, while screaming over
cell-phones at the same time as putting on their rash-guard. San
Onofre is no longer a surfboardriding beach as it is a zoo. Remember
this day of Infamy, April 19, 2005, as it will go down in history as
the day that killed San Onofre. Anyways, God bless the Minuteman
Project and Lou Dobbs.

Written by Jorge Carlos Mendoza-Sanchez [La Raza]
BRUCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES

The schitt has just about hit the fan--sideways.

To all the quasi-Mayors of San Onofre, face things fellows, your beach is toast.
I loaded the car with food, water, cameras, and headed for Ol' Nofre, the
has-been, once was, surfing beach. Now, some pea-brain on the SOSC BOD
said not to pave the road but, get this, grade it. People have seen the light
and given up on that place. I don't quite comprehend the SOSC wasting all
these years trying to elevate Ol' Nofre into a world class beach such as Waikiki,
Palm Beach, Rio de Janeiro, the Malibu, but San Onofre wants to stay in league
with Surf City and Coney Island. It looks as though Haw'n Gardens Surf Club
will become the primary club for 'Nofre. The 2005 year book is out, it appears
Haw'n Garden's Surf Club will be slapped with a $2,500,000.00 lawsuit against
the Club for copywrite infringement because the Club didn't obtain a release
for the yearbook's cover story. Oh well, ignorance is bliss. Reading the book,
it appears they have a few angry people on they BOD. The book is filled
with anecdotes of members patting one another on the back. Aren't volunteers
wonderful. All donated time and money for the road rejuvenation will go right
down the toilets this coming rainy season. I think they have a thing for having
this bean-field beach looking as it did when George Freeth, Dr.Wilkes, and
Johnny Sheffield were makimg a comeback after a hundred years. San Onofre
died 50 years ago, now it's starting to smell.

Written by San Onofre Chamber uf Commerce.
BRUCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES