So what did you expect?

This morning I must journey to the El Segundo Polluted Water
Headquarts to testify before the "Heal the Bay Children's
Health Committee" on CA pulluted waters. The briefing named
five of the State's beaches known for stagnant and foul waters.
The list given is, #5 San Juan Creek, #4 Baby Beach Dana Harbor,
#3 Baby Beach San Onofre #2 Baby Beach Oceanside, #1 Loser Beach:

"SAN ONOFRE SURF BEACH"

Written by Martha Stewart.
BRUCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES

So, what's the big fad with Burials at Sea?

If you're competitive you don't belong at a surf yard called
Olde Men's, do you? If you're an old pharte trying to convince
family members you are a surfer who's going to ride doing what
you love to do until you croak, and that's surfboard ride to glory.
You've come to the right place. San Onofre is the graveyard of
clinging old folks waiting for their "paddle out". Death by
drowning (suffocating) is the most gruesome of all deaths. {t's
horrible, losing sanity wile being held beneath the surface as
you scream for life giving oxygen. Because of an epidemic of
senile geezers going down to sea in ships, that don't belong
in the water off Olde Men's, SOSC BOD offered the Club's members
(median age 74.6) an ultimatum, one paddle-out per month. It's a
sad thing to face, old surfers hogging the green shoulder. BIGKOOK
had a great question, "Why don't these old fools get out of the
water before they kill one another?" I must concur with 'KOOK, like
how many people fo you know who were killed by a flyimg bocci ball?
"I'm sorry dear, we can't revive your husband," is not a way to go.

Written by Fingermill Gin.
BRUCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES

San Onofre has a huge Albatross hanging from it's gawky neck.
Doom and gloom has settled over the primitive dirt road like
a giant manhole cover. A day without death would be like a day
without sunshine. The reason the State doesn't want cars parked
triple depth (like those at Haw'n Gardens San Onofre Surfing
Paradise) in case there's another death, paddle-out, bocci-ball
players, choking off ingress and egress of City, State, and
County, emergency vehicles. An example being several years back,
during the mid seventies, four riders of longer balsa boards
sat beyond the reef (now known as Old Men's), a doctor of medicine,
a common plumber, and a long time fellow of legion (FOL). Two riders
departed on a wave six feet in height, one right in the curl,
the other a piggish green water advocate. There was a sleight
no harm no foul crackling of fibreglass, as the boards came
together. The fellow with the right of way fell from his stick
into the ocean, the other watched as his body, attached to the
bungee death cord disappear from plain view. The other rider
reached out just as the other sank, pulled him to the surface
by his gray hair, positioned him on the FOL board, The MD paddled
over, joined by the Surfing Plumber. The three administered CPR,
but to no avail. The seventy year old was dead. Peolpe scrambled on
the beach begging the lifeguard (Hal Diarywimple) to aid the rescue
party. Dairywimple said he couldn't do nothing till he had back-up
at the tower. The Doc, Plumber, and FOL, did all they could to
resuscitate the gray haired fellow, however, the old guy went
to surf with the angels. An investigation was conducted, when
results came in the State exonerated Dairywimple of any
negligence, placed the blame on the people at The Point claiming
the failed to park as the rules indicate resulting in the death
of the old timer.

Written by John 3:16
BRUCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES

They keep on coming like Gila Monsters, take that big bite,
call their cousins and aunts, sit back read La Opinion, wait
for the freebis starting to pour in, indulge in a long neck
Bud, think in Spanish/ "Well, we made it, take care of our
familia, we're here to stay. Where do we collect our freebies,
gringo?" A tragedy just came over the Knight-Ridder wire. An old
timer from the Point, I'm gonna surf till I die," wasn't
kidding this morning. San Onofre will be closed for San Diego
crime scene (CSI) invesigating the incident. The fellow was
in his seventies.

Written by R.Igor Mortis
BRUCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES

A new beginining! Out with the olde in with the new.
Poor Govenor Arnold has his hands full. He wants to do what
should've been done years ago, but Gray Davis (Dem.) was busy
kow-towing to Special Interest groups whose members last name
ends in a vowel (or a Z). Americans, fed up with simpatico Bush and
his domineering best friend, Vincente Fox whose job on this
planet is to lead his chosen few, 15,000,000 of them, placed
right on Bush's doorstep to reap their undeserved windfall.
Our dear friends in Arizona established a Minuteman project to
fend off the illegal invaders from south of the border, however,
this was like a bee in Bush's bonnet, and pobre El Vincente
objected because it cut down on tax free funds to Los Mexicanos.
If you want to see gringo abuse, look at the California Teacher's
add on TV spots. Those illegal kids can neither read nor write Ingles.
It's a reminder of that old adage, "Will the last American leaving
LA please bring the flag (stars and stripes, that is) not the eagle
grabbing a snake in it's talons.

Written by Ben Franklin Esq.
BRUCE SAVAGE SABD ASSOCIATES