Saturday, July 15, 2006

Even though an affirmative action toll booth
attendent's first day on duty, was to derail
the Tube, it didn't work. This poor overweight
senorita saw the Ford Sport Trak avoid the
by-pass lane, heading directly into the beach'
with "Legends Prefered Parking" placard snapping
in the breeze. The poor gordissima attempted
a leap to her feet from her tilted plastc chair,
but it was too late as we were alredy in. Things
are back to normal. Bulky Tees sales are way
up, Vanity Fair's on newstands, all things are
beautiful at the seashore, the incessant line is
longer than ever, and the food is scrumptious
as usual. and smokier than ever. Ranger Ephriam
has a new asbestos BBQ glove, Mason Klink has
inched higher up Ol' 'Nofre's surfing ladder, Colby
is now an nternational acclaimed chef de course.
All the usuals, the ones who looked as though
they just stepped out of a WW II German
concentration camp came out of the woodwork
ready to chow down, and boy were they hungry.
The dog population has gone through the roof
now that Temecula locals have found our beach.
As a matter of fact, a high country SUV loaded
with shreaking children pulled up to the
restraining log and tried to jump it.
Their "cute" snapping pooch runs up to Moe
the Toe's rash guard, whizzing all over it.
Moe the Toe asks the dog's master what's
going on. The master says, dog's gotta do
what dogs gotta' do. Of course, while all
this is going down there's not SOSC BOD
member around. But, the peice de resistance
is, Sal Geeze had a major heart blockage
while eating a huge meatball and cheese
sandwich while sitting on the pot in
Bldg.#4 Stall #2. Sal couldn't do anything
as the Lifeguards attempted to pry
the jammed door. People outside the Bldg.
were screaming, Sal needs a defibulator, and
he needs it now. Will Sal Geez survive
his fifth attack this week? His family sure
hopes so. Help, I've fallen, and I can't get up.

Written by Larry Coronary.
BRUCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES

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posted by Huevos Rancheros @ 5:27 PM   8 Comments

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Apparantly, there was a major disturbance at
Saturday's Club Luau. Many complaints, high
prices, watered down food, parking, motorhome
generaters growling, but the worst was falsely
accused drunken clowns with bright red noses,
terrorizing the member's children. I was there
waiting for left-over scraps when this character
in a 50th Anniversery Commemorative Bulky
Tee paraded back and forth along the chokenly
dusty dirt road. The beach character clutched
armfuls of FedEx overnight envelopes, had a
wild look in his eyes. One member from
Upland CA said his six year old daughter
was terrified as he walked by, and
they blamed the Luau Clowns. With
all the money the Club made
you'd think they'd had some sort of security.
And, the price of gasoline it looks as though
this will be the last Luau ever. Not to worry
*Core* members, Bulky Tees will go on Ebay.
You'll still be able to walk proudly into Albertsons
with your XXXL.

Written by Joe Crapp.
BRUCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES

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posted by Huevos Rancheros @ 9:31 AM   9 Comments

Sunday, July 09, 2006

It all boiled down to sheer profit. Our
2006 Annual Luau raked in $42,000.00
cash on the barrelhead. Bulky Tee 50th
Anniveresery Shirts were way, way, above
expectations. Tee Shirt wearers found no
fault with the white rice laden in frothy
broth, chicken chow mein smothered with
thin gravy, stale roles, Rosarito Beach tepid
salad, lukewarm Italian dressing, and no
beverage. The obvious question is where
do the profits vanish. i can tell you for sure,
not the new "Doheny Park" style road.
Maybe they'll put in horse-shoe pits for
the weekday tribe, they can challenge
the Sal Geez bocci-ball families. YIKES!

Written by Larry Coronary.
BRUCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES

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posted by Huevos Rancheros @ 9:09 AM   9 Comments