RANGER DAIRYWIMPLE POSTED MINUTES of Gov.Arnold's Press Conference

in Santa Ana yesterday, and boy, is it a doozie. "Community Taleaga"

submitted a 120 page Cease and Desist demands against the SOSC BOD,

SOSC Members, The Amish Clan from East Riverside, TEAMBIGKOOK,

and 10 John Does. The one significant demand was changing San

Onofre Surfrider's Beach Club to Rancho San Onofre Family Beach

supported by Rancho Santa Margarita, Foothill Ranch Community

Surfing Association, and 10 more John Does. There were 150

Surfing HOA attending but only one member supporting SOSC,

Amish Preacher, ANDY, who tried to obtain a stay. All members

SOSC were disabled by alcohol to appear. The name change vote passed

unanimously, 150 to 1. Other demands were ripping out the

parking infringement button, replacing them with Styrofoam

fire hydrants set every 100 feet to assure the animals comfort.

Among other Taleaga demands is a Bark Park and Doggie

Run parreleling the "primitive dirt road" on the sandstone cliff side.

The Teleaga HOA demands the Palm Frond Shack, site of so

many historic moments, be razed replaced by Jungle Jims

for the toddlers. Best, if you really treasure your "Historic

Beach Site", you come to the beach, read the demands,

complain about being "pickpocketed" by The Taleagans

who claim "They shall run Rancho San Onofre the way

a beach should be run."

TUBESTEAK/AMICA.CURIAI
c.c. Alan Seymore Productions
c.c.c. TEAM/BIGKOOK

THERE'S BEEN SOME AWFULLY GRUESOME NEW YEARS DAY, but Thursday

took the cake. As one drove down the "primitive dirt road" you could

smell trouble in the air. They all were there as if they were compelled,

"Close Encounters" style, that's the place in Wyoming where the spaceship

landed to collect the humans. This time the "humanoids" heavily imbibing

in near freezing condition stood on the "berm" a misused word for the drop

off to the water. They wore trendy Ugg Boots, red, white, and blue, watch

caps snug over their ears, a shivering hand clutching ice cold Coor's

Lite, a bugle and kazoo playing to keep the faithful in good spirits.

There was a mixture of green San Onofre Surfing Club 50th anniversary

generative Hooded sweatshirts and Taleaga Surf Team Tees.

It was hearing "Two Girls for Every Guy" again. Longboarders,

as they say, "trunked it, no wetsuit style. Real "Polar Bear Club" guys.

When every one exited the 56o water someone torched a truckfull

of dry pallets and discarded X-MASS trees, bone dry. The inferno

lasted all of ten minutes then was freezing once again.

The fifty or combatants stood shivering, waiting for the Mexican

style pot luck breakfast to begin. Just then, the Amish farm wagon

came into sight pulled by a John Deere tractor. Three Preachers

from East Riverside, prim, proper, flat stove-pipe hats, simple

black suits, supported by a single black suspender,

distributed Jehovah Witness pamphlets to the revilers.

Prophet NeoN made a bundle with his fortune telling kiosk.

"What does the future bring" Five dollars please!

I hate to be "the first to arrive and the last to leave", but I had no choice.

BIGKOOK got SOSC Bod frustrated by declaring, "people over

who surf look foolish." After watching the over 40 heroes in

the water I agree wholeheartedly. Go home old timers, rake the leaves.

Tomorrow, bad news for the Surf Club. Gov.Arnold takes control

of California's waters, grabbing the bull by the horns.

TUBESTEAK/PAVING.THE.WAVE
c.c. Alan Seymore
c.c.c. TEAMBIGKOOK

ATTENTION, PLEASE! Due to (because of) a live press conference among Gov.Arnold, Former Gov.Brown, Ranger
Dairywimple, Teleaga Homeowner's Association, Santa Magarita Surfing Association, Baby Beach Mother's Committee, and
Friends of Surfing, to annex San Onofre Surfrider's Beach into a Family Park Center, today's BLOG will be delayed until the
conference is adjourned later this afternoon. Thank you for your patience.

TUBESTEAK/FOREVER
c.c. Alan Seymore
c.c.c. TEAM/BIGKOOK

SURFING IS A WONDERFULY INSANE JOURNEY. Kick it into cruise control, sit back and enjoy the scenery.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

AND THANKS.

TUBESTEAK/MALIBU

IT WAS DE JA VIEW ALL OVER AGAIN. I knew I saw it before, and that's

why I filed a report with Ranger Dairywimple. It was the Summer of '82

Henry Alfaro of ABC News asked me, JJ Moon, and Mickey Munoz, if we

had enough clout to get an invalid child into the Huntington Beach

Classic because his lifelong dream was to surf in a heat of a Pro

Contest. We had enough clout and they let the invalid kid enter,

they knew he wouldn't advance against MR, TC, Rory, and Shaun.

We found out there was the $50,000.00 first prize award.

JJ Moon contacted Dora in France offering him the cash if he'd

bring his remote controlled surfboard. To make a short story

long, Dora showed with the board. He controlled it from

The Hilton Hotel Water Front Balcony, and with a little

"mordida" to the judges, it turned out the invalid kid

wins the whole "enchie". The invalid kid gives the 1'st

place check to Dora, who had a change of heart returning

it to the kid's mom for hospital bills for an operation that

would get the invalid kid well again. That's how Joe

Shlump the Midget beat our BIGKOOK. 'KOOK won it

"fair and square". Joe Shlump cheated. Ranger Dairywimple

will straighten matters out, and promised Joe Shlump the

Midget will not be welcome at San Onofre no more.

TUBESTEAK/FAIRNESS.RULES

TEAM/BIGKOOK WERE LIVING HIGH ON THE PIG. 'KOOK was holding court

at his portion of sand facing Bldg. #6 the popular toilet area across

the "primitive dirt road". It was like the days of wine and roses for

the TEAM. High fives, low fives, ten highs, garlands of kelp draped over

their shoulders, abundance of chanting, even 'KOOK announced,

"Water for my horses, wine for my friends!" It was like the "Glory

Days of San Onofre Surfing". Joe Shlump the Midget sat alone in

the water. The bottom had dropped out of the surf, there wasn't

a wave in the ocean for him. He glared at the festivities, he had

forty five minutes to catch his one wave. Suddenly, the public address

announcer saw the rogue wave approach from the West. "Outside.

Outside!" warned Ranger Dairywimple. It was a ten-footer just beyond

third reef. "The Midget", had special leather on his stumps to hide

his amputations and the hooves replacing his lower extremities. He

stood on his Stealth Model custom stick, not moving, but somehow

he appeared at the right place at the right time. As if it were

following instructions, the grey Stealth delivered Joe Shlump

into a Kamikaze take-off, straight down, bottom turning, up

to the snapping lip, down again to the trough, back again at

breakneck speed, spray flying everywhere. Joe Shlump the Midget

certainly caught the attention of TEAM/BIGKOOK. The noisemakers

suddenly quieted. The Midget suddenly pulled a Christian Fletcher

upside down caper, landed and rode off to the south toward

Trail Twelve and beyond. It was so incredible Ranger Dairywimple

began cheering for Joe Shlump the Midget. I don't know how

they're going to adjudicate his marvelous ride, but I think I've

witnessed this in '82 at Huntington Pier. We'll see.

TUBESTEAK/SURPRISE

AS YOU ALL KNOW, IN A SURFING CONTEST WHITE is Top Seed. Joe

Shlump the Midget demanded the white jersey. Seeing it was SOSC

equipment, the BOD gave it to Joe. Black goes to the BIGKOOK.

In essesnce the SOSC BOD told BIGKOOK to "kiss off". After more SOSC

bickering the "Death Match" starts. The boys paddle to and around the

bright orange priority buoy. THEBIGKOOK is first up. In the "Death Match"

you get one ride, your best shot, paddle in, and you're done.

One wave, that's it, no oops I caught a rail. THEBIGKOOK sees

one coming, sizes it up, one deep stroke, he's in. Dropping

the pivot foot, he draws his lead, roars like a lion, pushes up

on this six-footer, wide-leggy he rears back sink in t massive

ten-sixer's tailblock, Malibu Style, descends down the wave's

face creating a rooster-tail plume fifteen feet in the brisk morning

sky. Heading towards Trail Six he emits a confident, bellowing,

Victory Yell. His head down, he walks the doggie through the

bowl, does the famous "Isaiah Spin", goes up and over, and sits

down confident of a victory. Everyone on the beach in unison gives

THEBIGKOOK a Standing "O". Tomorrow, Joe Shlumps psycho ride.

TUBESTEAK/AMAZED

EACH, AND EVERY TIME, I GO TO SAN ONOFRE I get sick to my stomach.

This morning was no different. For stability I thought I'd better lie down

in the front seat with the window down to breath the sea air ridding

the nausea. I went down there to see BIGKOOK'S challenge for beach

supremacy. The "Indian Death Match" was on, pitting 'KOOK against Joe

Shlump the Midget. Hidden from view, I hear this squabbling between

Ranger Dairywimple and Craig Ephraim about SOSC members not selected

for a segment. No one from San Onofre Surfing Club was included.

No matter, I didn't think the "Club" wanted to be part of Surfing's

Tradition. Ranger Dairywimple tried explaining to Ephraim that

he wasn't Matt Warshaw, but Ephraim wasn't concerned. He

wanted results not excuses. While they stood beside my window,

I thought BOD Ephraim had a beef, but Ranger D. isn't an author.

Whom do I feel should've been in "The Encyclopedia"? How about

Burrhead, E.J.Oshier, Hammerhead. Well, what do you think?

After BIGKOOK wins this contest I'll show Ranger whom to

contact about an addendum for San Onofre. But Surfing is

a tough sport. There's the five minute warning horn.

TUBESTEAK/647