BIGKOOK is back from his disastourist shark hunt empty handed. Earlier this morning he announced, "If you can't fight them join 'em."
Starting tomorrow, Sunday, BIGKOOK is selling San Onofre SHARK TOURS
while tickets last. The nominal fee is $25.00 a session. As a bonus you can see NeoN in tow with his new very best friend, Ssr. Mario Obledo, Dem. San Louis Obisbo.
TUBESTEAK/LA*RAZA

He cut himself a deal with the State Park Rangers. After having his great white vehicle impounded by the San Onofre authorities, THEBIGKOOK was offered a sweetheart deal to exonerate any and all monies due the Oark System. Key Ranger Billingsworth said, BIGKOOK get rid of that shark pod off "Trail Six" and we'll give you a Blue Disabled placarard allowing you unlimited access to the surf beach. No waiting in the overflow bypass line (OBL)any longer. BIGKOOK said "deal". So, now all the BIGKOOK'S duties are is build a Shark Scarecrow and place 50 meters off the shore right in front of SONGS warm water outlet flow where the shark colony breed. The State is building a shark cage so BIGKOOK can get started with his SAS, Shark Avoidance System. If you're at SANO this morning at 6:00 AM you can view THEBIGKOOK'S "Work in Progress" offshore of the Nuclear Power Plant, Generator 6 Tune in tomorroow far an update plus an announcement by TUBESTEAK to shake up the SANO BOD for lack of interest in this shark crises.Incidentaly, THEBIGKOOK has a new bumper sticker that says "QUINT LIVES".
TUBESTEAK/MALIBU

Something happened last week and it involved THEBIGKOOK. According to someone in the know within the CA State Park System, descriped what really happened. They needed help with the toll booth Kiosk that enters San Onofre Surfrider's Beach. The State hired two trainee interns to work weekends because of the ongoing problems in the bypass backup line. The trainees were given ingress and egress clickers to control the autos as they entered and left the beach. No problem, right? Wrong! Interns are not paid money because they worked in exchange for college credits at nearby Trestles Community College. You have two untrained students working the Kiosk without supervision because of a regular Ranger calling in sick. The San Onofre Surfing Club, founded in 1892, has nearly 3,000 paid members. The State on any given day allows a meager 344 cars on the beach at one time. The two interns came to work at 6:00 AM to an unruly crowd of inebreated surfets. Not being abel to work the traffic counters the interns let 759 vehicles on the beach by 6:12 AM. At precisly 6:30 AM THEBIGKOOK shows up expecting a long tedious line but is waved right in. Cool, thinks THEbIGKOOK, no line. As he makes the final turn going south he can't believe his eyes. The amount of cars allowed in has choked off the dirt road at Toilet Building #1. To the BIGKOOK this was totally unacceptable so he brodies his van and makes a bee line for the Ranger's Kiosk. By now,THEBIGKOOK'S blood pressure is sky high, his face a fire-engine red, his medication is at home on the bureau. He slams to a stop, abandons the van, runs to the Kiosk, confronts the interns, who by the way wish they were home in bed sawing logs, and reads them the "riot act". Just hen the replacement Ranger arruves, sees THEBIGKOOK'S illegaly parked van and calls for the tow truck.
It hits him like a ton of bricks, THEBIGKOOK runs to the Portapotti, takes a massive dump and calms down. He throws open the Portapottie door just in time to see his van being towed to the city junk yard. Everyone figured THEBIGKOOK was looking at $850.00 in impound fees and fines. The two trainees were sent home without pay.
TUBESTEAK/MEDIATOR

The Grand Prix of Surfing, the San Onofre Surfing Club Contest, is
less than 2 weeks down the road. I hope and pray THEBIGKOOK can be excused from his day job in order to maintain law and order on the beach. Every September, egos swell beyond belief at that beach. It's like comparing Pomona Fair to Churchill Downs but they don't know the difference. Our old friend , Andy Warhol, once said, "Everyones has 15 minutes of fame in their life." This will be their 15 minutes until next year. There's 2,000 Club members and the Ranger's will allow a paltry 344 cars in that day. If THEBIGKOOK has a brain in his head he'll valet parh tose cars at $5.00 a pop and demand a tip. Way to go BIGKOOK!
TUBESTEAK/PHILANTHROPIST

There's a character who hangs with the fishies at Dana Harbor, specifically at "Proud Larry's". I'm sure glad he didn't show at the Luau amd Longboard Contest at La JoLLa today. Well, you know his name but if not, it's THEBIGKOOK. The Samoan Mafia was waiting for him and they all had on Brass Knuckles. THEBIGKOOK did yhe right thing: He went to church instead of the beach.
TUBESTEAK/LEGEND.EMERITUS