MARCH 19, 2005 San Onofre: Another day in Paradisio.

SOSC BOD just won't give up. Yesterday noon, we rode a shuttle
to Dana Point Harbor and found why the Yatzees (insider talk)
love the place. As a young child I was introduced to Dana Point
prior to the breakwater's installation. Entering Dana off US #1 at
"The Street of the Violent Lantern" you drove right up to "Cupid's
Gondola" walk to the bluff overlooking Dana Harbor Pier but like
San Onofre it wasn't a pretty sight, too much dirt and rocks like
California looked in 1903, all barren. Easter Sunday we are taking
the shuttle back to "Cupid's Gondola" and amaze at the beautiful
transformation from destitution to west coast glitz. Poor San Onofre,
face it, George Freeth, Dr.Barney Wilkes, and Pop Procter, just ain't
coming back to see "how it used to be in the old days."

Written by Keed Squeed.
JUICR SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES
















0
are so taken with it.

March 17, 2005 They're gonna schitt a brick sideways for schure.

We walked in, unrolled the plans, and plopped ém on the State
Superintendant's desk, "But, from what I see here it's a green
light all the way thtough," said Schnabel. Hans Schnabel is the
construction agent. This is our proposal.Dogpatch will be re evaluated,
sand mounds will encompass the perimiter to make the site look
excactly how Malibu looked in earlier days. The sandstone bluff will
bear DORA just like it was on the Malibu Wall, including
LANCE CARSON on the nose, ten over. OOWOOO! YEAH BABY!
A name change was submitted to Surfrider Foundation from
Dogpatch to "THE PIT". WHHOOOYAH! In keeping with trendy San
Onofre nicknames, all the crew shall be rcognized as Grumpy, Doc,
Dopey, Bashful, Sneezy, Snoozer, and Loozer. Show starts
Memorial Day, 2005.

Written by Walt Disney
BRUCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES

March 16, 2005 What did you expect?

If you think SOSC BOD are in a good mood, wait'll you see this.
When they get to Old 'Nofre today they are gonna schitt a brique.
Way early today the Dept. of Homeland Security (formerly INS)
towed and anchored a 300x150 barge offshore main break, Old Man's.
The barge, out of Wilmington Deleware, will completely shut down any
and all breakers that may arrive this summer. The weathered barge,
Mara Salvatucha coated in tar, rusted railings, and a 48 star flag was
ordered by " Öld Ironsides" George Bush and Vincente Fox, Vice
President to ward off any Kamikaze attacks on SONGS, as Bush says
"just in case". If nothing else, the sand should return by next wimter,
plua additional volleyball courts can be installed sccording to Uncle
Val. This is another step foward by our San Onofre Surfing Club.

Written by Emilio Zapata
BRUCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES

March 15, 2005 Sorry about that.

Home court advantage. Can you picture Shaq O'Neal running
down the court, "Hey Ref, Iverson's holding my jersey, that
ain't fair." Meanwhile, BIGKOOK runs from the water yelling
and screaming, "Leslie, Leslie, Neon shoulder hopped me, did
you see it, did you see it?'" Whatever happened to surfing?
Because of shoulder hopping, snaking, sudden cutbacks,
pearl-diving, boards whistling over you heads, fibreglass
cracking when rail meets rail, wow, I didn't know surfing
was a contact sport. "Sorry about that, you kook, " said
Dora as he takes off your ear. If he were still here he
would have suggested badmitton or synchronized swimming.

BRUCE SAVAGE AND ASSOCIATES

March 14, 2005 All isn't lost.

Fortunately, I was invited to tag along with five very influential
surfers to figure how to split 'Nofre's dilemma it has with its hillbilly
beach resembling something transplanted from the Oklahoma Panhandle.
The special surfers agreed steps must be taken before Old 'Nofre becomes
Southern California's next tent city. First step, SOSC BOD must contract
SOLAG waste disposal to bulldoze the .5 mile stretch from the elbow to
road's end. This includes the annoying bamboo and banana plantation ,
all creosote soaked logs.. The firsy recommendation to go are those unsightly,
irritating, fingermills capped by antiquated sufhboards. The influential
surfers said that would be the first step to salvaging the beach Of course,
they said, the nonsensical dirt road must be replaced with a sturdy
long lasting asphalt conduit which would avoid the State from shutting down
the beach because of a small drizzle "flooding" the road. One anonymous
Legend brought out a step by step proposal that would close San Onofre
during Spring Break, but what a difference it would make. The asphalt road will
have speed bumps every 25 feet to avoid speeders, however, it would be
terrific for skateboarders.

Written by Claude Bahlz
BRUCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES

March 13, 2005 Letters to the Editor.

One advantage of having a BLOG is the reader's input. For example,
from last week came some classic input. so thank you for being an
intrical part of the pastime. Save for one, all are anonymous, one
a fake name, lots of food for thought. TIKI MATT, an Old 'Nofre
stalwart raises the question about BIGKOOK being the missing
linkin the premedial chain. Well TIKI, I dunno for sure, but there
some who think he may be the missing link in the daisy chain.
Interesting inquiry. Then there was one wondering if Dewey Weber
was still dead. I can tell you, a few years back at C St. at Torrance
Beach, Memorial services were held for "The Little Man on Wheels".
There's two places on earth where surfers are so *into* Paddle Outs,
Santa Cruz and, of course, Old "Nofre where they're lucky to draw
150 participants. Dewey had 3,500 in attendance--plus
BATWATCH Rescue's One and Two. Dewey, however, is still dead
with little chance of returning. Another interesting inquiry was
will they ever pave the 'Nofre mud holes before the mosquito's
breed the deadly Asian Black Malaria virus. Dr.Barney Wilkes,
George Freeth, and all dead "Nofre surfers ain't coming back. Unless
the SOSC BOD enters the 21st century and, do what I think they should
do, and that's pave the confounded dirt road and throw in a
Diamond Lane to speed up traffic, like "PAVING THE WAVE" will do for
surfing. Runner up letter is the sarcastic one mistaking Alzhiemer's
Disease fot ALL TIMER'S DISEASE. Typical "Nofre humor.

Written by Mike Hunt. BRUCE SAVAGE SANG ASSOCIATES