November 6, 2004 Fatal Decree.

More bad news again. Because of recent excessive alcohol consumption,
DUI's, open containers, sassing the arresting Ranger, obstructing justice,
ongoing bad judgment by SOSC membership, California State Park had no
choice other than to invoke a long awaited beach ban on booze. An
unidentified Ranger said the ban was the only way get these guy's
attention. The moratorium commences the day before Thanksgiving, 2004.
Violation of the new law will result in a $950.00 fine, due and payable in
cash only. Neither checks nor vouchers will be accepted. No wine with
turkey dinner tolerated.

Written by Anonymous.
BRUCE SAVAGE AND ASSOCIATES

November 6, 2004 Nothing to do with Old 'Nofre

Peter Proportion may not be dead after all. Yesterday's DAILY BLOG said
he quit and went to Heaven. Info was given in 2 mails, one from Tom Morey,
the other from Kemp Aaberg. Then Feigle sends mail describing who was
involved--you guessed it, Mysto George, and the deceased, Peter Proportion.
Morey's from Capo Beach, Aaberg Santa Barbara, Feigle New Zealand,
Mysto Malibu, and Peter Proportions The Ranch. Our apoligies because
San Onofre deals with man-eating sharks, be-headed sloths, and BOD.
This is our slow time of the year and Peter Proportions alarm was merely
fill, however, he might be dead, I just dunno. This is tantamount going
to Malibu and telling people Dennis Earl has died gone to surfer's heaven.
Who would care anyway?

Written by the Grim Reaper.
BRUCE SAVAGE AND ASSOCIATES

November, 4 2004 Psalm 23

Oh, this is not good news. It is something the SOSC BOD would love.
A paddle-out could occur. Ray Kunze, a.k.a. PeterProportion, a.k.a. Enforcer
in Big Wednesday, Star of Legend's of Malibu, is dead. We all loved
you Peter! Oh, this is horrible.

Written by The Lord.
BRUCE SAVAGE AND ASSOCIATES





























































l

November 3, 2004 Huge Bush Victury Bash At "Nofre!

Hal Dairywimple, Ranger Jean-Craug, and Rush Limbaugh, will
celebrate President George W. Bush's thrashing of Democrates,
Llbertarians, and all Independent opponents. The Champagne
Party will commence at 9:00 AM Saturday on Dogpatch Beach
at the southerly portion of 'Nofre. Gasoline prices will escalate Sunday morning, rising to $3.15 a gallon (regular). President Bush
will rub your nose in it, however, Saturday's fiesta loco will
be free Carte Blanca ice cold suds in your container to wash
down the complimentry tacos, nachos, tamales, chimichabgas,
guacamole, The earlier you arrive the more you can drink.

Written by Registrar of Voters
BRUCE SAVAGE Y AMIGOS

November 2, 2004 Here we go again.

Acting on an unconfirmed report from the fishing village at Dana Point
Harbor, Old 'Nofre will be closed effective immediately because of two
huge, giant, man-eating squid, with tentacles ten feet in length, observed
gliding through the shallow waters of Old Man's shortly after dawn this
morning. Two well known and popular regulars finished their Bloody Marys
at Turks, cruised towards the Oceanside kelp farm when their trawler was nearly
capsized by the monster whale-size beasts, weighing close to three tons
each. Ca[Captain Gene warned the beasts could consume an unwary longboarder
in one gulp. That'd be awful, sitting at the outside reef being attacked,
surprised by the beast, swallowed whole, then deposited on the ocean floor
miles away near Las Pulgas. A Ranger rescue boat, commanded by Hal Dairywimple
and Ranger Jean-Claude Ephriam, was dispatched to assist Captain Gene.

Written by Capt. Ahab Salamitooni
BRUCE SAVAGE AND ASSOCIATES

November 1, 2004

FADE IN:

It seems Jack Miller the new Prez has some connection with
John Millious of "Big Wednesday" and Foxfire Productions
for filming "The San Onofre Story" beginning February. The
working title is: "The History of Dogpatch" featuring all Old
'Nofre Club members depicting themselves in Cameo Roles,
in and out of the water. SOSC BOD member Al Gee is penned
as the leading man, Officer Bob Krupke will be a feature player,
Hal Dairywimple will be the wrangler, Ranger Craig Ephriam
will be paymaster. Open casting will be December 28th at "The
Shack" where wardrobe will be given to the chosen few. Best part
is you do not have to be a member of SAG, so be ready to work.

FADE OUT:

Written by Army Archard
BRUCE SAVAGE AND ASSOCIATES HOLLYWOOD

October 31, 2004 Bazaar del San Onofre.

People just don't want to follow the Law at Old "Nofre. You wanna'
mess with the law remember "If you can't do the time, don't do the crime."
Lawyers cost money. Alcohol numbs the brain, and the smaller your
pea-size brain the worse it's effected by the Demon in the Bottle.


Written by Gloria Allred
BRUCE SAVAGE AND ASSOCIATES VISTA JAIL