A big slap in the face.

I can tell you right now I have no faith in the SOSC BOD,
Several years back, when surfers were surfers, who drank
neither Lite Beer nor white wine, Tubesteak was invited,
nominated for that fact, to serve on the Club's BOD. The
nominator was an influential member, if not Chairman of the
Board. Well, like a jackass I said, "Sure, why not? The vote
was taken, the outcome was a big slap in the face. Out of
1,200 votes counted Tubesteak received a lousy, stinking
2 votes. Yes a lousy two votes, mine and the nominators.
Gosh, I wonder what if "Mr. Steak" would've garnished the
majority vote qualifying him fo the BOD. Where would his
career be in 2005? His old friends The Beach Boys summed
things up with "God Only Knows" chzrtbuster. You never
conprehend what goes on behind the scene in surfboarding.
On his resume would TUBESTEAK/SOSC BOD knock
everyones socks off. "Wow" what credentials! I guess it's
merely a pipe-dream of "Mr.Steak", himself parading up
and down rhe "primitive dirt road", clutching a clipboard,
a #2 pencil, and a 30th Anniversery Comemorative Bulky Tee.
Yeesss! Life is good.

Written by Tom Turnip Esq.
BRUCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES

Headline after headline after headine.

The new Pontiff will be anti San Onofre, so be on your
best behavior. Ranger Hal Dairywimple is Vatican City's
representative known for his "The new broom sweeps clean"
tactics. Down here at Old 'Nofre Hal has 100% record and it
appears he will need it as SUMMER 2005 rolls around. SOSC
BOD just ain't happy with Ranger Dairywimple's appointment of
THEBIGKOOK as Ranger Ephriam's replacement beginning June
30, 2005. Ranger Ephriam will conduct his "cute" little vendor's
trailer "bulky tee shirt sales" up on top located at the ingress and
egress section of the holding line and he will act as liaison between
the SOSC and Donn the Gatekeeper. It was discovered this morning any
and all Commeritive that shirts will go rise from $25.00 to $40.00.
As far as BIGKOOK concerned San Onofre is dead meat and
the 'KOOK'S going to bury it. So long SOSC, I think your BOD
is going "bye bye car. Now you have Rude Rudy, Terry Beard,
and the Point Surfride, patrolling San Onofre State Beach with
their bull horns blaring there shall be no more Club Luaus, Surf
Contests, saving parking places for friends. Plus, no more Paddle
Outs for Burials at Sea. Nothing, nada, zilch. San Onofre asked for it
and they got it. Doheny State Park Surfing Club may be called in as
surfing consultants. Good news, the bid for paving the road was
awarded to PAVING THE WAVE Asphalt and Tar Co.

Written by Sam & Johnny B. Goode
BRUCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES

Thf nerve of them.

Albiet, Bush and his Tonto (Fox) aren't for it our MINUTEMEN from all
over USA will convene tomorrow in Southern AZ to put an end to Bush's
Welcome Wagon for Green Card Guest Workers Fox assimilated Gang
"Mara Salvatrucha 13 to comnbat the MINUTEMAN justïceers. No matter
how much the Bush/Fox Junta protest the vigilante(as Bush/Fox '
Coalition call it) quash the MINUTEMAN PROJECT, ouir Frontera
will not become a ongoing revolveing door for our neighbors from
south of the border. Fox cannot relinquish the $16, 000,000,000.00
windfall that people from south of the border send back to Vincemte
Fox to spend in Mexico. Bush is too busy trying to take over the planet
for his father to worry about legalizing Metricula Counslar cards for
Mexico *good people just looking for work*. God bless the MINUTEMEN
for keeping our borders under check.

Written by Las Golindrinas 13.
BRUCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES

March 29, 2005 We have nothing to fear but fear itself.

While preparing the Wayne Miyata shrine, they showed
the Legends of Malibu tape featuring a bit with Wayne.
Watching Malibu you are made excactly how far back in
time San Onofre is, and for the pastime of surfing that
ain't good. It's hard to imagine George Downing, Dale
Velzy, and Dewet Weber, planning a weekend around
games, volleyball, cherry-pit spitting contest, and hula-hula
displays. At the end of the tape a question aeose regarding
Why havem't they nade a tapr of "The Legends of San
Onofre? The answere is easy, the SOSC BOD is freightened
of everyone in America will drop what they are doing and
flock to Old 'Nofre and wait inat insipid line for 2.5 hours
then pay $10.00 to get in, and that price ain't
comimg down, no way.

Written by Pappy Procter
BRUCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES

November 29, 2004 Break into show biz!

In order to make things fair, the San Onofre
Chamber of Commerce signed Dairywimple and
Ephriam as casting directors for the 2005
State Beach Parade of Champions float".
The breakdown calls for six young and
sassy platnium blond surfer types, model
thin, tall with a swaggering attitude, giant
smile with loads of white. Blue eyes a definite
plus. Glossy 8x10's willbe acceptable, however,
we will be unable to retorn them. In order to obtain
a naked effect, all six candidates will be
spray painted with gold metalflake prior to each
pertormance. Women need not apply as the float
's theme is "King of Sodomy". Well, good luck guys,
knock yourselves out.

Written by Sascha Brastoff.
BRUCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES