March 11, 2005 DAMAGE CONTROL!

Hi all. My name is BRUCE SAVAGE Managing Editor of "The Dairy".
Unfortunately, a comment was miss directed to a wonderful contributor
on this BLOG Central The comment was made to belittle THEBIGKOOK,
not our friends at Point Surfride. It is unlikely THEBIGKOOK sent the
dispatch, but just in case, BLOG Central apologizes for any inconvenience
to the offended party or parties. Thank you for your indulgance.

Written by Bruce Savage
BRUCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES

March 9, 2005 Alligator tears.

San Onofre cannot get over itself. Once Freddie the copy boy
picks up his page it's out of talents hands. Btw, Freddie's last
name is Gomez and anything can happen between then and
deadline time, which is 5:00 AM. If anyone feels gypped, you
know who you are, you must realize how much you pay for for
this BLOG'S valuable updates--zero, nada, zilch, cipher, nothing.
THEBIGKOOK wisely once said, "You get what you pay for" [sic].
Speaking of THEBIGKOOK, he was in an exotic monkey store in
Laguna Beach to purchase a guest to bring to San Onofre this
weekend, and it ain't no boa-constictor. Freddie Gomez claims
someone had notified "City Desk" regarding wayward Legends at
Old 'Nofre. Well, we read all responses to The Dairy, we're sorry
you miss the gist of Surfing's true Legends, however , if
you miss the boat an inch, you miss it a mile. Looks as if we'll
see you Saturday to meet BIGKOOK'S special guest.

Written by Ivan Yackenoff
BRUCR SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES INC.

March 8, 2005 Point of no trturn.

Larry the Sloth was unmercifully put to rest yesterday at
High Noon by Bamboo Larson. BIGKOOK transported Larry
the Sloth to his early grave at SANO. BK led Larry to the hollow
concrete wall surrounding Bldg. #4, Toilet #6, so Larry could
sharpen his giant claw nail. As planned, Bamboo Larson took his
position across the "primitive dirt road", grasped the 9mm pistol,
lifted, aimed carefully, slowly squeezed the hair trigger, exploding
the bullet right at Larry's brain. I think that's when things went awry.
Instead of smashing into Larry's brain, it hit him dead-center in the neck,
severing Larry's spinal cord, sending him helter skelter across the road,
squealing like a stuck pig. But Larry, scrappy as he is, refused to drop, and
like a headless chicken with it's head cut off ran off across the hot sand,
blood gushing from severed blood vessel's, soaking everything in sight with
crimson body fluids. Ranger Dairywimle described the scene as the worst
he'd ever witnessed, and demanded who gave "Bamboo" Larson" permission
pull his weapon on a crowded weekend, a definite Park no, no. Ranger Larson,
report to my my office, first thing Monday morning," said Dairywimple and bring
NeoN with you."

Written by Juan Hung Lo
BRUCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES

March 7, 2005 Will it never end?

I don't give a giant dump what the SANO BOD thinks, that surf
club is so far out of touch with reality, well I just can't believe it.
Yesterday, the Malibu Shirt Company had the "First Annual"
reunion attended by the Prince and Princesses of Surfboard Riding.
Except for one "Legend" from SANO, all Legends wore their false
face, swaggering, oozing with self confidence, ready to share and
spread any and all bullschitt they could muster. Greg Noll, Kemp
Aaberg, "Little"Johnny Fain, Moondoggie, Mike Doyle, Tom Morey,
Dale Velzy, The Gidget, Leroy Grannis, Bob McTavish, Linda Benson,
Mickey Munoz, Mary Lou Drummy, Tom Moore, and a handfull of
B-Legends. It was marvelous, these classico folk still don't race around
sporting a grim face, clutching clip boards, expecting the worse and
praying for the best. One fabulous item about Malibu State Beach,
unlike SANO, it's not shrouded in doom and gloom.

Written by Bloody Mary.
BRUCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES

March 6, 2005 Here we go again

Well, Lady Urine strutted her stuff yesterday, and THEBIGKOOK'S
back from La Conchita and todat's his day to shine. Haw'n Hui has
annexed the future home of their museum Four Doors, blocking the
"primitive dirt road", parking four deep, inserting bogus white parking
bumps on the road to avoid parking citations, bar-b-queing all day,
causing a constant back up of gawkers, and massive chaos in general.
A preview of this Sunday, BIGKOOK captured a huge alligator in Telaga
Ranch Canyon Road and is bringing it to Haw'n Gardens this Sunday to
end this Haw'n annexation of 'Nofre. Today he goes to Home Depot to
rent a cyclone fence cage to transport the giant 'gator to the beach.
BIGKOOK discovered loves Taro roots, turnips, parsnips, celery root,
all that the stuff ''da Hui planted for this Haw'n Spring Celebration.
So between Lady Urine and her lion scent territory marker, and the
BIGKOOK with Al the Gator, it should be quite a weekend to keep Ranger
Ephriam, Dairywimple, and the Haw'n Hui, on their toes. We'll see next week.

Written by Claude Bawlls
BRUCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES