'NOFRE'S BIG THREE DAYER IS HERE.
BIGKOOK'S Uncle Rollo is in town gathering data for opening

his "Outdoor Food Court" on the sand at 'Nofre. Uncle Rollo

will assess 4th of July foot traffic at the volleyball courts

which shall eventually give way to Rollo's International

Food Court, open for business 24 hours a day. Rollo's Courtysrd

will be surrounded by a lush "Wave Forest", featuring the finest

in "al fresco dining". Eat in or take out. A colossal feature

is the installation of 'Nofre's, "Surfer's Honor Roll of Fame".

The BOD declared there's no one quite ready for the

"Walk of Fame", a grand opening in August 2004. Ranger Ephraim

delivered a warning from Dairywimple, indicating Rangers will

not, "...look he other way...." this year. No Courtesy Cards will

in order to avoid be honored this summer. The gates will open

late and close early in an effort to thwart the "drunken driver".

Remember, DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE--YOU MIGHT SPILL.

TUBESTEAK/SPECIAL.HOLIDAY.EDITION RUETER NEWS

DOES ANYONE DOWN THERE KNOW JACK SCHITT?

The woman's voice came from atop the bluff, descending like

a thundering avalanche. Normally quiet, birds of the morning

fluttered their feathery wings at the startling outburst.

Squirrels, rats, and lizards, darted aimlessly over the

"Road to Bizzare"(formerly "prehistoric dirt road"), unsure

from where the outcry came. It's 6:00 AM, an orange tinge

develops behind the sandstone cliff. Morning is here.

Except for the few regulars, the beach is empty.

THEBIGKOOK stands up, stretching his sleepy arms, faces

from where the sound comes, cups his hands over his mouth,

shouts, "We don't know Jack Schitt down here." I think they

aptly renamed our primitive dirt road, "The Road to Bizarre".

Speaking of dirt roads, it's always kinda'cutsey when after

a couple of Lite brewskis some guy in his forties decides he's

traffic enforcement. Someone drives down the Road to Bizzare

at maybe a tad faster than he should, and Mr.Traffic Enforcer

remembers what he saw years back when his daddy, after a couple,

sees a driver come down the road, in a forceful voice

screams, SLOW DOWN! SLOW DOWN! One afternoon a number of years

ago Bechtal Steel had an ironworker's party at the end of

"primitive dirt road". Short on ice, a worker heads toward

town after a few suds. As he passes, some "third generation

guys" intrinsically shout, SLOW DOWN! SLOW DOWN! But when the

ironworker returns, he not only has bags of ice but, he

has a pick-up full of union members, each sporting a 2X4 that

they used to quiet the "SLOW DOWNERS!" I feel this 4th of July

weekend there may be a repeat.

TUBESTEAK/SPLAT
Dateline (7/1/2004} Special to City News Service

A CANDLELIGHT VIGIL FOR "THE SOUL OF DEAD SANO SURFERS"

will be held at the "Sam Conroy Lounge" in the "Bamboo Room",

beginning at twilight. A Memorial Plaque will be displayed

for all to see at the conclusion of our renown Gut Bucket

and Banjo Brigade's serenade tonight. Superintendent

Dairywimple and Ranger Ephriam will present glossy 8X10s

to any surviving survivors of the departed. This is one of

many SOSC BOD scheduled planned events for this long hot

summer. Along with the exciting "Club Contest", the

"Uncle Val Court" will be home to an always challenging

Volleyball Tournament an all time favorite. Thanks to Camp

Pendelton's Emergency Response Team an ambulance will be on

duty for the two day affair. Ranger assured us there'd be no

tragic occurrences as in the past. He added, "A Human Life,

like a Mind is a terrible thing to waste." Tickets for the

Club extravaganza, "The Luau" are nearly sold out, however,

the BOD says plenty of pricey 50th anniversary bulky tees

will be available. Highlights of the holiday schedule will

be available at the Toll Kiosk booth adjacent to the

by-pass waiting area. Tickets for the Surfer's Prayer Recital,

Independance Day, can be purchased at TeeShirt Central for a

reduced $14.95 each. Sorry, no discount at this discounted

price. Incidentally, my favorite asphalt paved road is Doheny

Glorious State Beach, where this wonderful 4th of July

Independence Day Celebration features a meaningful

outdoor "Down Home" cook-out festival with an enormous food

selection for all, sorta' like a trendy courtyard effect.

I love it when the streamliner roars by, the engineer tooting

his air-horn. It drives kids nuts. The best part is no fat,

giant, rats threatening your safety, like at 'Nofre. EGADS!

TUBESTEAK/DOHOE.LONGBOARDERS
Dateline 6/30/2004/Special OC Register Bulldog Edition

THE GAUNTLET WAS THROWN. WILL SANO SURF TEAM ALL STARS

pick it up? In a daring maneuver,TEAMBIGKOOK, slammed the

challenge on Al Gee's dilapidated picnic table. Gee said this

was swell, but he must check with the BOD for their blessings.

Apparently BOD is adamantly opposed to a sports contest unless

they have license to sell 50th Anniversary Club shirts, no

matter how pricey they are. Somehow, Seymour's San Onofre's

Champion of Legends"" killed any, and all, chance SOSC had for

making a monstrous "windfall profit" because they wouldn't

swallow their pride and sanction Seymour's extraveganza.

By doing this, Seymour made in excess of $11,500.00 in

shirts, curios, Tikis, amulets, and Surfrider Tees, money that

should have gone to SOSC treasury for their Club's trophy

presentation. Someone made a fortune off Seymour's event, as

they gave salad bowls as trophies from .99 store in Westminister.

You all read yesterday's BLOG, explaining how judges, not the

surfers, decide the outcome. I recall doing a NSSA World Tour

Champioship. Before entering the water, this kid walks over to

the Judges Pavilion, stops for a moment, looked up for an advan-

tage asking, "What are you judges looking for?" To which Munoz

answered, "Coffee and doughnuts."

TUBESTEAK/I.LOVE.SURFING
Dateline 6/29/2004 SANO Judges Pavilion USA

I DON'T KNOW JACK SCHITT ABOUT SURFING. WHY? HERE'S WHY.
This happened a number of years back, way up in Ventura CA

during the Amateur World Surfing Association Championships.

Each Association i.e., TSA, GSA, ESA, et al, were involved.

Every Association had two judges, I and my partner, surfing

editor and publisher, who shall remain anonymous, were appointed

by Master Judge, Hoppy Schwartz to rep the WSA. Judge Anonymous

and I had witnessed the most talented riders ever in surfing.

He and I adjudicated on the talent level of the individual

participating on the wave. Judge X and I rated the boy on his

wave skill. Weather we were called back for another contest

mattered not. The other judges wanted back again, falling into

the now famous "Clone Judge Syndrome". The "CJS" is based on

how close in scores other judges came to a heat's final

tabulation e.g., Five judges vote White (top seed) 1st place,

6th judge is penalized if he voted Blue 1st place. On a one to

twenty, you learned if you awarded a contestant a twelve you'd

be pretty sure everybody else did and the contest people loved

it, because it showed how consistent the judging was. One day

an old friend and I were doing a WSA thing at Oceanside Jetty.

Kay judge was a pre-med student at SDSU named, of all things,

"Doc" He was the guy the Head Judge loved. All other judges

wanted to be just like him. Well, my friend from Santa Cruz,

Lars Hanson, could care less about being invited to the next

contest, and judged from the heart. All day, he would be low

judge. After 8 heats Head Judge Hoppy ran over during the

middle of a heat Lars was judging, scolding him for not

judging with the results as the others. Lars knew his judging

days were nearing an end. The next heat he had a 6 way tie for

first place. After the heat tabulation ended, here comes Hoppy

bawling Lars out for having a 6 way tie for 1st place. Judge X

and I were dismissed that day for non-compliance of the judging

rules. Never, ever waste money in contest fees, regardless, how

good you do, your future is in the hand's of the judges.
TUBESTEAK/REFEREE
DATELINE 5/28/2004 SAN ONOFRE WILDERNESS PARK