October 23, 2004 Repent! The end is near.

The San Diego Coroners Van was here early this morning hauling away
corpse after corpse washed out to sea and returned to the primitive
mud road, stacked like cord wood on the concrete slab beside Bldg. #4
for identification and public viewing. Gauze masks are available until
6:00 PM this evening when the candle-light vigil commences. The storm
on Wednesday was the nastiest since the Hurricane of '39 hit.

Written by OSHA.
BRUCE SAVAGE AND ASSOCIATES

October 20, 2004 Another new begining.

Ranger Jean-Craig Ephriam gave us all a preview of
'Nofre 2005, and it looks mighty good. Rules and regs:
Beach will be raked and sifted on a daily basis by beach
volunteers such as Paul Cartier and Gym Irwin. Dairywimple
insures the SOSC BOD the toilets will be awarded an A-RATING,
the ones they give restaurants. Terry Wierd and Eight-Ball,
will be required to wear ankle transmittors while on the
beach at all times. A shrine will be assembled at TUBESTEAK'S
new digs, "The Shack at Dogpatch". BIGKOOK wants all dogs
not allowed on beach (just as the signs say). The reaining
full list of stipulations will be displayed as received.

Written by Cholly Knickerbocker
BRUCE SAVAGE AND ASSOCIATES

October 19, 2004. Repent, the end is near!

For "Beach Old 'Nofre", summer's over. No future at all.
Gonzo! Kapoot! No Mas! The dance floor's empty! San Onofre,
you're dead--pick up the pieces, you had your chance. Surfing's
a rough sport.

Written by Larry Sloth Esq.
BRUCE SAVAGE AND ASSOCIATES

October 18, 2004 Special permit required.

Further closure of Old 'Nofre seems immanent for the
balance of October 2004. An overabundance of beach
deaths requiring final wishes of outdoor funerals and
cremations. State allows two funerals a day within a
backlog of fifty two requests, nineteen open casket,
the rest burial at sea. Furthermore, "candle-light vigils"
for dead or dying legends will be discontinued effective
11/1/2004 until further notice. Ranger Jean-Craig Ephriam
said a $150.00 burial fee must accompany the death certificate
before permits are issued. Apparently, for Social Security
identification purposes some multiple cremations have taken
place. The State thanks you for your co-operation in this matter.

Written by Digger O'Dell

BRUCE SAVAGE AND ASSOCIATES FOREST LAWN

Otciober 17, 2004 POLICE ACTIVITY.

San Onofre will be closed until further notice due to a double homicide
The San Diego Coroners Office is handling the investigation. Please contact
State Park for reopening.

Written and posted by Hal Dairywinple.
BRUCE SAVAGE AND ASSOCIATES VISTA