"I'VE GOT A GIRL WHO LIVES ON A HILL, IF SHE WON'T DO IT HER SISTER WILL...." PAVING THE WAVE is in the can, The film documenting the "History of California Surfing ", featuring Marquis names such as Aaberg to Yater, Velzy to Jacobs Linda Benson to Joyce Hoffman, Hobie to Duke Boyd, Jan and Dean, Dick Dale, including many, many more of your favorites, Mickey Munoz, Tom Morey, Jack O'Neal, and the list goes on. As a bonus, there will be a Mystery Narrator keeping it real, telling it like it is. As a preview double bonus PAVE THE WAVE 2004 calendars could be distributed. on "the primitive dirt road."
TIBESTEAK/NO.MYSTERY

I HAD A TWO FOR ONE COUPON FOR STEWED PRUNE YAMI YOGURT at Trader Vic's
at the Ocean View Memorial Center on Los Mares Dr. Inside, I saw this mournful soul traipsing around, looking for a nutritional "Power Bar". Why so gloomy. You look as though you lost your best friend. Just about, he said, I work my butt off all week,
get paid, come in here to cash my pay envelope, and head for 'Nofre. Why, I asked. He said I don't know. There's never no waves there. All I do now is show up and help my Bros zip up their full wetsuit. I wish it were summer. And so it went. Where you live now? I asked. Ranch Talega, he said. I remember several years back at Malibu, this hairdresser guy from the Canyon comes over and sys, Hey, Tube, could you zip me up so I go do my surf. I couldn't believe it, this hairdresser asks me to zip him up. I says, go ask Munoz, he'll help you "zip up". Right then and there I realized the real world of surfing was over. But, If I had to do it over at the top of my wish list would be black rubber paddling gloves and NIKE Aqua socks. There was nothing more treacherous and unforgiving than Malibu rocks, especially Moby Dick.
TUBESTEAK/OLD.SCHOOL

THE BAD NEWS BROKE LAST NIGHT AND IT BROKE HARD. REAL HARD. Blah' "KOOK received an APB informing him "The Great White Van" had been placed in custodorial protection and Blah' 'KOOK, upon his return from Kahuna's Training in Honolulu HI, must cough up $2,500.00 reclamation vehicle release fees to the DMV. The Torrance Police
Department,in their affidavit , that "The Great White Van" was considered an abandoned on the street after not being driven for 72 hours, a violation of the CVC. Blah' 'KOOk was in Honolulu HI a total of 2,500 hours as of today. Fines included a bloated "Official Police Garage" towing fee, outstanding warrarants, violation citation, surcharge issued by the South Bay Municipal Court, a warning to erase from the vehicles sides,"SAN ONOFRE CORONERS OFFICE" before the vehicle can be released. One problem concerning detectives is the van was abandoned in front of a double murder, suicide investigation. witnesses claimed the victims were seen in a van similar to Blah' KOOK'S. Blah' gets off the "Red Eye" tommorrow morning. I pray someones there at LAX to transport him to Police Salvage, where his van sits. Adding insult to injury, some lunatic police cadet slapped a Denver Boot on it.
TUBESTEAK/ADJUTICATOR

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT IT WAS SAFE TO GO BACK IN THE WATER, all hell breaks loose at the serene Rancho San Onofre Residential State Family Beach. Sunday the San Clemente Daily Bugle ran a cover story about migrating whales and the best place to see them as they head South for the winter. Talega Surf Club decided SANO would be a good spot for a wine and cheese picnic, a great place for their over fed farm dogs, coffee clutch and whale watching. Boy were they in for a surprise when they hit the elbow at "the primitive dirt road". Caution tape, bull horns, walkie talkies, and Ranger Dairywimple in charge of the removal of the huge, bloated, infected, Sperm Whale, rotting in the damp sand down by the berm. All Hummers, SUVs were directed to the ancient palm frond shack for a real good view. This AM tempeture was 36o and holding. All SUV doors swang open, releasing a pack of plugged up animals, however, instead of what they should've done, and that was their duty, they caught scent of the rotting, putrifed, whale, and made a bee-line for their reward, 10,000 pounds of stagnant blubber. Their masters and mistress were gleeful watching their family pet head for an early repast. As the pack confronted the massive carcass,
they bounced around like playful gazelles. This was just what the wide mouth, glistening teeth, membrane covered, New Zealand Flying Tiger Shark anticipated and left the bubbling shorepound, flew threw the air, parallel to the beach and in a humungus gulp, snatched everyone's family pet, dove for the bottom, chewing in full sight of all dog owners, sounded, and headed back to sea. Ranger Dairywimple said it was the most gruesome thing he'd ever seen. Blah 'KOOK ain't gonna' believe it when the Talega Surfing Club erects a memorial display for their pooches.
TUBESTEAK/DISBELIEF

NOT A DAY GOES BY WITHOUT THE SOSC BOD devising another way to clog the natural progression of surfboard riding. Now they want a corral built at the Power Plant boundary line at south beach house the Rancho Talega Search and Rescue Team a.k.a. "The Searchers". The "Board of Dictators bought into Rancho Talega's theory of patrolling the beach with an "eye out" for terrorists and to maintain parking restrictions on "the primitive dirt road". The horse stable will blend well with the desert landscape so as not to detract from SOSC beauty. SOSC BOD, acting under the advice of Ranger Dairywimple, volunteered to catch the tab with surplus funds from our Club's treasury. BOD member, Craig "The Enforcer" Ephraim declared it shall only take twenty years to restore the money, adding tee shirt sales are stronger than ever. I'll bet the posse will consist of long time members from the Board of Dictators. We can't wait to see the expression on Dah' Hooies face when he returns from Honolulu HI.
TUBESTEAK/RIDE.DADDY.RIDE

ALTHOUGH, I WEREN'T THERE, actually I was taking English lesson in Rancho Talega, two old chums of Blah KOOK'S came looking for him. 'KOOK, of course wasn't there as he was attending Kahuna classes in Honolulu HI for his tenure as new President of the freshly formed SOHSC. "The Swede" and "Simple Simon" were classmates of Blah KOOK in Playa del Rey during the early '50's. Neither of them had been at 'Nofre since the sixties and, boy, were they in for a surprise. The lone beach guy was Craig "The Enforcer" Ephraim installing toilet tissues in the growlers, Ranger Dairywimple gave the maintenance Crew time off so they may watch Super Bowl XXXVXI with their family and friends. The Enforcer volunteered his time as he can't stand Janet Jackson no matter
what. A key question asked by "Simple Simon",where's Phil Edwards? "Swede" wanted information about Barney Wilkes, and the open pit toilets, and Bill Barnyard and Tule Clark, and Ron and Cy Johnson, old time Rangers, just like Ranger Dairywimple. Sadly, they said this was before our time and please check the SOSC 50th anniversary Yearbook because the only members who would know are all dead and buried. The two friends of Blah KOOK rolled their eyes and left back to Mar Vista.
TUBESTEAK/ONLOOKER

LAST NIGHT, LIKE MY OLD FRIEND MARTIN, "I HAD A DREAM." For me it was a beautiful dream. The Ranger Toll Booth was remodeled, painted camouflage style, the line bypass turn around was tastefully landscaped, all unsightly boulders were missing, orange cones were gone forever, it sure was wonderful. But that was nothing. Descending to the parallel road, now a colorful green concrete strip, with molded speed bumps, the beach was now a resort, like Vegas,' Mandalay Bay parking area, lots of asphalt for parking ease. No stupid squirrels, no annoying animals who are surfer's surrogate children, a cell phone descrambler, Four Doors was now a branch of Tony's Market, serving all No. County San Diego. All bamboo, wind indicators, basura containers, were paved over, beach extendended to accommodate the largest of motor homes. It was a "dream " come true. Ranger Dairywimple allowed beach vendors selling Foster Freeze yogurt up and down the beach. Fourth generation Club members we restricted to their vehicles, children could not roam freely as if the beach were a day care center. The coup de grace was all toilet buildings were painted with red and whit stripes, similar to the smokestacks at El Segundo CA Hyperion Sewer Outlet Plant. No valet parking for Club members, no saving psrking spots for friends, this turned to be another Playa del Rey. Now it's obvious why MLK proclaimed "I had a dream". Naw', too good to be true.
TUBESTEAK/WAKE.UP