THE PERMITS ARE POSTED! STATE IS TAKING ALL BIDS for an emergency 2 lane paved road down the center of San Onofre Surfrider State Beach due to kayaking misfortune last week. The unpaved "primitive" road caused excessive jostling of a Toyota Tundra releasing the kayak from its rack causing severe injury to a 14 year old 4th generation Club Member. A mandatory asphalt turn-around at Dogpatch's volleyball courts will start construction as soon as all bids are received. NOTICE: SURFRIDER STATE BEACH IS UNINSURABLE UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE.
tubesteak/inspector

RANGER DAIRYWIMPLE IS A PEACH. TEAMBIGKOOK came home from Stater Bros. with their THANKSGIVING DAY bounty. Ranger Dairywimple instructed GRUNION to stow everything in Toilet #6's dressing room till the holiday. This is going to fry the SOSC BOD. They don't like to deal with a level playing field--plus the State is paying a Ranger Intern to guard the supplies.
TUBESTEAK/TURKEY

Febuary 14, 2005 Dinner is Served.

The gang had such a swell day at 'Nofre yesterday, they
decided to head out shopping for Valaintine's Day Dinner.
They went directly to Stater Bros. The Grunion, Sea Cucumber,
and The Snail. were the first in the store, grabbed a cart, going
straight for the liquor section. Under orders from THEBIGKOOK
himself, the rest of the fellows selected items that would make a
bountiful harvest table at their section of the wet sand. They ran
up and aisles jamming groceries in their carts. Makings for the
mashed 'tators, biscuits, pumpkin pies, butter, stuffings, cranberrys,
olives, chips and dips. What was extra funny this elderly San Clemente
phart asked Sea Cucumber if they were a Mennonite family. When
THEBIGKOOK heard that he said, let's get the heck outta here, I don't
want to labeled. When they arrived back at Old''Nofre, Ranger Ephriam
granted them 24 hours to store the grub in latrine #4 as long as they
clean up after themselves. Ranger Craig handed BIGKOOK an RSVP
for the love fest dinner from, you guessed it, Joeleen the Trailer Queen.

Written by Amish Andy, Farmer Boy Inc. Ontario
BRUCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES

DURING THE EARLY DAY OF SURFBOARD RIDING, a great adventure would be a trip from Manhattan Beach Pier to Los Angeles Centro where the Salvation Army Second Hand Store stood. They had some real stuff there: army helmets, canteens, African campaining
trunks, ammunition belts, and deluxe swagger sticks. This would inventory surf movie appearances, surf trips, and over all beach attire. The entire tab would be less than $8.00 for seven surfers. Yesterday, "Skippy" Slater arrives at San Onofre with a pregnant idea, we'd all hop in THEBIGKOOK'S Great White Van, go to Capo Beach's COSTCO. Everyone was agreeable, so off we went at 10:00 AM. THEBIGKOOK, not to bypass a wonderful entrance, does a half dozen full-on doughnuts in the parking lot, slams into a Handicap Parking Only Zone and everybody piles out. They follow "Skippy" who leads the tour to Free Sample are where everyone helped themselves to a "happy hour" feast TEAMBIGKOOK ate (for free) candies, cookies, juices, samplers, bbq chicken and beef, cashew samples, spaghetti, raviolas, smoked sausages, wonderful zucchini nutty muffins, mocha rich coffee samples, and smoked swordfish. The only problem was TEAMBIGKOOK ate COSTCO of of business. "Skippy' was given the "stink eye by the MOD and thought it was best to pack up and leave. A, however, a wonderful time was had by all thanks to Slater. BTW, on the way out, "The Grunion" scored with a leftover 18" pepperoni pizza.
TUBESTEAK/ADVENTURER

AND IT RAINED FOR FORTY DAYS AND FORTY NIGHTS, Remember? Early this morning TEAM/BIGKOOK was at Home Depot purchasing organic manure and Job's Spikes, enhancing BIGKOOK'S Victory Garden. It's so colorful down here it looks like the Rose Parade in progress. Where did they get the funds? BIGKOOK absconded the $500.00 .from "Sea Cucumber", reasoning what goes around comes around. Well, better get back to chores, here comes a nasty looking rain cell from the southwest.
TUBESTEAK/DOPPLAR7000

Yeah, I showed at the "RIB" for the free dinner and drinks, courtesy TEAMBIGKOOK. There was no chow, no hootch, no "Happy Hour" freebies, no nada. I don't know what went on but Chris Brown seemed pissed. What's going to happen is THEBIGKOOK'S going to hand over the $500.00 to the finder, "The Sea Cucumber" who will gladly keep it, saying, "Finders Keepers Loser Weepers". I'm going with my new friend "The Cucumber"up to IHOP to meet "The Grunion" for biscuits and gravy, a pot of hot black coffee, featuring their famous Jalapeno Jelly, with a side of Farmer John's ham. straight from Tucson's smoke house. Thanks "Cucumber". You're all heart,

AFTER TWO DAYS OF PLANTING AND LANDSCAPING, CLUB/KOOK stepped back admiring the "fruits of their labours". Before them were Marigolds, Snapdragons, Lilacs, Haw'n Moss, Monkey Ferns, Petunias, Pansies, all glorious in a morning mosaic. "Hey!" screamed THEBIGKOOK, "Where's Cucumber?" The "Sea Cucumber" was KOOK'S newest protege. TEAMBIGKOOK members looked around the beach. Hidden behind the freshly trimmed bamboo thatch was "Sea Cucumber" excavating an area for the 40' Tiki to be placed in the ground. "I'm over her, BIGKOOK," he said. Just then "Cucumber" let out a scream. The gang all ran over to the bamboo thatch where "Cucumber" danced around like a leprechaun. "Look at this," he said, pointing at the excavation. BIGKOOK opened the chest and glared in disbelief at its contents, $500.00 worth of Susan B. Anthony silver dollars. "We're rich, fellows, damn rich," said BIGKOOK. "But don't we have to turn the money in to Ranger Dairywimple?" said "Cucumber". BIGKOOK cuffed his protege upside the head. "The only place we
are gonna' turn in this loot, mates," said BIGKOOK, "is the "RIB TRADER", and that's tonight." The beach was ecstatic. Hoots were given by all. Everyone was eager for night fall and their trip to town.
TUBESTEAK/ANTICIPATIONl

RANGER DAIRYWIMPLE WAS TAKEN BY THE interest shown by TEAMBIGKOOK that the State of California Dept. Of Parks and Recreation are willing to allow the surfing Amish minister from Riverside, Rev. Andy, to supervise the further planting of Marigolds, ferns,
lilacs, watercress, and daisies for more color to the beach, of course, the BOD is against it. They want all monies allotted to "Dogpatch" for a doggie urinal. A tiki forty feet in height will be erected that can be detected for four miles.
TUBESTEAK/ MENNONITES

WHAT A GLORIOUS TRANQUIL DAY at the seashore this morning TEAMBIGKOOK were out en masse planting petunias for winter color in Warzone. NeoN sent up for Starbuck's XL's, and Zucchini Nutty muffins. The girl always warms them up. I think this is going to be a successful Winter Season. I hope so, although I get a free Golden Bear Pass, annual passes go up to $367.00 per annum. Cash no checks, Please.
TUBESTEAK/PRAISE.THE.LORD

"HOMELAND SECURITY" "TERRORIST STRIKES" "CODE RED ALERT!" Get used to these, and others, election year is coming, be on alert. This is how votes are garnished, the fear factor. All Republicans are scrambling, they know "Dubyah's" days are numbered. How many Boys were slaughtered in Iraq last week? "Dubyah" says were not backing down. Backing down from what? Persian Rug sales are down in California What more do they want? Where would TEAMBIGKOOK go if Iraqis commandeered a Fed Ex cargo plane and kmakazied the thing into SANO'S Dome #1?
TUBESTEAK/LEERY