HEAT SHEETS ARE OUT KID 'N BRO TOP SEED OVERALL
PRE-CONTEST WEATHER AND SURF UPDATE ON LINE
WEATHER HOT 'N GLASSY WAVES BREAKING OUT TO SEA
TERRIBLE STORM SURGE GUARANTEES THREE DAY SWELL

The Hobie Classic is a definite go this Saturday and Sunday
Yeah! Well alright, Summer's officially here. Brother Allan Seymour
officially kicks it off with the "Tenth Annual Hobie San Onofre Classic"
at good Ol 'Nofre this Saturday and Sunday. The heroic combatants,
easily a Calvacade of Legends, the Marquis reads like a "Who's Who" ,
featuring the likes of The Kid n'Bro", Tommy "Gun" Metzger, Al Bee,
Teenie-Weenie, awaiting Henry Ford's announcement of, "Good morning, San
Onofre" for the first heat into the water. Before I forget, the new issue
of Marty Sugarman's "H2O" is at the newsstand, featuring Kemp
Aaberg, Benito "il Duce" Mussolini, and Bruce Savage's "Memorial Day 1960".
The "ancient primitive dirt road", looking as it did when George Freeth,
Senator Luton, and Duke Kahanamoku, first discovered Old 'Nofre
back in 1915. We're gonna' be there early so in case they have a
world famous "paddle out" I can watch it while eating breakfast.
BIGKOOK drives his rusted "Great White Van" up to Santa Ana
later today to pick up 320 fresh tamales for the contestants lunch

Written by Enrique Morales "Chato" Gomez
BRUCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES

Had to go to Ranger GHQ to pick up another free Legend's Annual Pass.
We visited with Dairywimple for a while, boy were we taken back when he
pointed out the SOSC bounty program, not unlike The Minuteman Project.
All BOD members will be assigned a vector from Punta Paradisio to Dog
Patch and vice-versa. Any Club member out of line will be given a Red
Tag Citation except for BIGKOOK whose Great White Van will be issued
the immoblizing Denver Boot. Hal said the State receives far more
complaints than praise for San Onofre. Dairywimple assigned Ranger Epjriam
as key honcho for the Allan Seymour Classico this weekend smack
dab inthe middle of the Old Man's reef. It may be the non-club members
are irked because of parking problems. For exanple, trendy car drivers from
Ranchchita Santa Margarita and Temecula don't want a one hour drive
to the "Nofre, wait in the by-pass line for an additional two hours, drive
down Tobacco Road, can't find a decent place to park because of the
way the "so called" 5th generation members hog parking places as if
they hold title to Rancho Pendelton by the Sea, then get treated live
yesterday's garbage. Julias, long time club member recalls the early day
when folhs drove around Los Angeles, Mexico with sawed off tailblocks
protruding from their trunk, kinda like the wan2bee look. Julius,
after looking at the commotion last Sunday, said they should apply
for a name change to "Dead Man's Reef".

Written by Rueben Carlos Ramirez
BRUCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES

Invasion of the Bodysnatchers revisited. I've had it with that place
and it's getting no second chance. I thank the Lord I don't have to
get up at 2:30 AM to "head for Óld Nofre" to wait in a silly line so
I can walk my pooch, dump a massive healthy in the ice-plant while
Rover looks over. Hell no, I drive in at noon, select a Preferred Parking
spot, like yesterday by the "rock and roll ladies and volleyballing men"
warming up on B-court, while their four year old whine and snivel
because big sister teases the little knucklehead. After forty five
minutes I give up and head back to my least favorite part of that State
Beach, the spot where every body goes to showcase their 2 year old.
As I'm sitting in the car by the bamboo where kids are snapping
the branches, this giant kook comes up and says, "We're saving that
place for some friends coming down after services." The guy is asked
if he is aware that the State mandates you can't save parking spots.
He says no, but he didn't know. He sends his wife over to stand in the
place he wants for his friends after church. Our driver is trying to
get as much inside the parking buttons because like Huntington,
Manhattan, and Hermosa Beaches, 'Nofre has cops on mountain bikes
an they're packing 9 mm. All this schitt are spins off Vals, Hoe Dads
Posers, and the latest trendy, Taleagalites. Meanwhile, the dame saving
the parking spot reminds us that her neighbors have several kids that
are on edge so I ask her, Ï didn't know this was a baby beach, to which
she stormed off. Finally, I can rest. Doheny State Beach is my "dream"
beach, paved roads, Andy Gump crappers, freight trains with air horns
blaring, People at Doheny are so with it they refuse to play that cissy
bocci ball. Back at the *real* family beach the dame are pushing their
kids in Latino convertable black strollers. It was so remeniscet of Whitter
and Atlantic in Belvedere Gardens. At 1:00 PM it was a procession along
refurbished Tobacco Road. I hope and pray you weren't but if you were
it was merely the tip of the iceberg. This one guy from Temeculah ran up
and down Tobacco road yelling, "Show me in writing you have to pull
all the way to the log." Maybe, the SOSC BOD overstepped their boundry.

Written by Anonymous.
BRUCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES

There's good news at Old 'Nofre once again. Hello, my name is Sableau
the Prophet . I am clairvoyant. Your 'Nofre beach has been designated
by Lorreta Sanchez (D) as a water station for Mexican refugees, whom
Vincente Fox cannot support because Mexico is a non-supportive state.
no welfare, education, bus fare, lunch money, WIC program,
free legal aid, free phone calls home to Jalisco en Guadallajara, free driver's
license from Metricular Counselar, six month subscription to La Opinion.
In order to strike a deal for oil when "lame duck oil Baron =W= "
leaves office in 2008". Sableau recognizes Mexico DF as a "third world"
entity and Sableau realizes the end is near, proclaiming if the dogs at
the beach don't take over, guess who will. You gringos at the beach had
best wake up and smell the menudo before it's too late. Oil Baron Bush
wants open border with hermano, Vincente, so naturally Terror Alert is
again elevated.

Written by Sableau del Obisbo (Prophet)
BRUCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES