BIGKOOK is back on his feet once again. Because of his tenure
at Squealing Suefers, he was awarded Tour Directo/Director of
The 2005 SOSC Open Surfing Contest in a few weeks. The heats,
contestants, starting times, Sanleau the Profits predictions,
judges, catering services, lunch breaks, most of all, BIGKOOK
will announce the distribution of the States free overnight
parking for BIGKOOK'S "BEST BOY" reserved parking spots close
to the finish line. Tomorrow is the American Cancer Society
Luau in La Jolla, featuring all the *greats* except for Joel
Tudor and Gidget who are on tour in New Jersy for book signings
and goodwill.

Written by Cheech Marin and Tommy Chong.
BRYCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES

Rescue services just left San Onofre minutes ago after failing to resucitate
a comAaose BIGKOOK after State Lifeguards were unable to contact a pulse at
3:30 PM. All are awaiting (and praying) for a speedy recovery. Hang in the 'KOOK.
P.S. HIS VAN IS STILL THERE.

Written by Doug Harding
BRUCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES

Somebody snitched on the band. Tonight's concert is in danger.
These poor,old,non-union Öld 'Nofre "jug and gut bucket"ensemblee
has been called onthror "carpet" by James C, Petrillo IV for non
payment of Local #23Musicianss union dues.Rangerr Dairywimple
explained these Old Timers thought, because of their old old age
they were exempt from dues paying. Union B.A. said "no soap" while
slapping a nonperformancec injuction on Legendaryspokesmanm, E.J.Oshier.
Ranger Ephriam pleadedwithh the B.A., saying these old ex-surfers
reside at Whispering Chimes Assisted Living Compound adjacent to our
medical center, average age 97.5, with minimum fixed incomes, barely
enough for cashews and salt-water taffy, let alone any remaining for
their Goldenn Bear Pass, with gas pushing $4.99 a gallon, it just
doesn't leave anything for union dues. Ned Hokie,103 years feels this
is his last year down at 'Nofre before he's laid to rest, which is not good considering the State has put a limit on the tradional "paddle-outs" per year.

Written by "Old Harry" [103]
BRUCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES

SOSC BOD: Here, take our money anyways. Good news, bad news.
First the bad! The King of Bocci sucked up the mask inventory,
all they had for my appearance was a Michael Crawford "Phantom
of the Opera" face, you know the little white with eyes cut
out when Phantom's face has acid thrown un him. It was a steal
at $450.00 cash out the door. If you've never attended an
American Cancer Society Legend's/Longnoard Luau, you wouldnt believe
how important a false face is. Good news, the mask store has an
abundance of Kelly Green Lawn Bowling shirts available for the
Club Surf Contest, with your name stitched above the pocket,
the San Onofre 50th Logo on the back. I saw them, they are so
trendy, especially with the cell phone holster on the side.

Written by Louis Vouton [Paris].
BRUCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES

This is the week I shop for a "false face" to wear this Sunday
at THE AMERICAN CANCER SOCIETY LONGBOARD/LUAU EXTRAVAGANZA at
Scripps Pier, La Jolla. All the bona-fide Legends love it, as
it gives them something on which to chew, especially the "Öld Days"
It reminds ne of Halloween, because with a false mask, you
can be anyone you want, Price or Pauper, Devil or Angel, you
make the call. Actually, with your mask who would you be?
Everone who is still alive and kicking, except Joel Tudor and
"The Gidge" will not be there. I can't wait! Btw, the reason
bocci's are sold out, appareantly there's an Olde Tymér's
91st B-Day Pot Luck, bring your own, as usual. One other place
Tom Morey suggested is Forrest Lawn Gift Shoppe where you
can oder a custom fit Death Masque.

Written by Al Asim Kabuhal
BRUCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES