Rescue services just left San Onofre minutes ago after failing to resucitate
a comAaose BIGKOOK after State Lifeguards were unable to contact a pulse at
3:30 PM. All are awaiting (and praying) for a speedy recovery. Hang in the 'KOOK.
P.S. HIS VAN IS STILL THERE.
Written by Doug Harding
BRUCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES
9 Comments:
The little man on the third aisle picking out cereal. He’s putting bugs on the boxes. Microscopic listening devices they think you can never find. Rub the boxes with banana peel soaked in vinegar, then you’ll see the bugs—I know, I’ve found them before. I’ve devised many ways to outwit them. That’s why they are after me. I can expose all their secrets. I know about their plans.
I don’t have much time, so listen carefully. Whatever you do, don’t watch the TV ads. Pretty happy cows under the California sunshiny sky—NOT! Record those commercials and slow them down then play them backward and the cows turn into Canadians. It’s part of the plot. That slogan, “Got Milk”, if you knew the secret code (and I do know the code) you’d understand its true meaning—“Surrender Now.”
They’re covertly, steadily infiltrating our society and using their technological superiority in mind-enslaving techniques to subvert our wills. They have taken over the dairy industry and are using it as a cover for their operations. Those massively popular ad campaigns for cheese and milk are cunning subliminal warfare. Where’d that little man go? Oh, they’re so wily.
The other night I stayed up so late that my local TV station signed off. I expected our national anthem, a picture of our flag, but the Canadians have captured the local channel! It was “Oh Canada” for 3 hours straight. I called the authorities. Those ignorant gobs suggested I was hearing things and that I should consider therapy. They’ve gone deep under the control of the enemy and I fear we are left on our own to deal with this menace.
Keep an eye out for a moment I have to adjust my canuck-shield. They work great but they ride up on you sometimes. Get a canuck-shield if you want to preserve you’re manhood my friend. Making all of us sterile and snatching our women is part of the conspiracy. Gauze wrapped in tinfoil dipped in Santa Claus-red flat wall paint is your ticket to assured continued reproductive viability.
I have to run now. Never stay in any one place too long. They zero in on you then zap and you’re one of them. Just came in to get a case of beer. Buy only the Canadian stuff like this Molson. It’s safe. They don’t put any of their psychedelichypnoneuroplasmic mind control drugs in this stuff. There he is, over squeezing the bread to see if it’s fresh. Remember, if that little Canadian comes to your checkout, don’t let him breath on you. Take this paper bag, put it up over your face. That should protect you. Keep the faith. We WILL prevail.
is that a hoax about BK?
BK Serial Killer Gets Life in Prison
WILL THERE BE A PADDLE OUT
"It's likely to be a very cheap funeral,'' said the same speaker; "for upon my life I don't know of anybody to go to it. Suppose we make up a party and volunteer?''
"I don't mind going if a lunch is provided,'' observed the gentleman with the excrescence on his nose. "But I must be fed, if I make one.''
Another laugh.
"Well, I am the most disinterested among you, after all,'' said the first speaker, "for I never wear black gloves, and I never eat lunch. But I'll offer to go, if anybody else will. When I come to think of it, I'm not at all sure that I wasn't his most particular friend; for we used to stop and speak whenever we met. Bye, bye!''
Speakers and listeners strolled away, and mixed with other groups. Scrooge knew the men, and looked towards the Spirit for an explanation.
i have the beer
OH THE HORROR!
Ricardo, bye, bye, buy bonds.
Oh yes anonymous, it's true, brevity is the soul of wit. Think it over!
THAT S.O.B BETTER NOT DIE
HE OWS ME $500.00
DOLF ZIMMERMAN JR
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