RANGER DAIRYWIMPLE IS EXONERATED FOR THE ANIMAL ATTACK THE OTHER DAY. The moment he returned to work he was deluged with new park permits for Easter Sunday.Haw'n Surf Club, whose memership exceeds SOSC, requested an all area, all access, backstage pass for their "Sunrise Service" event, "The Crucifixion", at "Four Doors". It will start at sunrise. BIGKOOK will portray The Savior, Tiki Matt is Pontious Pilate, Star Wars is Judas Iscariot, and a cast of hundreds. A pancake breakfast shall be served with proceeds going to THSC. Tickets go on sale for $15.00 s ahead including complimentary Bloody Mary.
TUBESTEAK/HALLALULEAH

ALL THAT WORK TO PROTECT OUR SOGEPP AGAINST TERRORISTS. It's kinda like locking the barn door after the horses sneaked out. That's the reason all the reconstruction of anti-sabateures protection on the atiquated dirt road--to prevent forieng invasion. Shut down the road to surfers so work can go on. Better yet, shoot 'em on sight. Somebody may lose a few votes but it'll solve the problem. Believe it or not, they saw a "'Nofre Legend" at San Onofre talking up a storm to anyone who'd listen. You've seen him there before so you know who it is. The "Yochna" from Talega Ranch appeared with Gloria Allred to indict Ranger Dairywimple and Deputy Ranger Ephriam for leaving their post in order to escort Bambee and Desiree to Original House of Pancakes for "Dutch Babys" all the way around (heavy on the blueberry syrup) Sunday morning. The Talega Ranch veterarian gave Irish Setter #1, less than a fifty per cent chance of survival. Setter #2 is still in the state of shock. The attacker, drooling, snarling, English Bulldog was never captured. San Onofre Ranch is slowly but surely becoming a "soap opera".
TUBESTEAK/MAGISTRATE

SOMETHING MUST OF HAPPENED SUNDAY MORNING AT THE BYPASS LINE. Ranger Dairywimple, Ranger Deputy Mr.Enforcement must of gotten sidetracked with Pastor Andrew's wife, Bambee, her close friend, and neighbor, Desiree because they never made it to the beach. Although, the hound dog contingency from Telaga Ranch made it in time. They parked, let the two Irish Setters out for their morning dump, instinctively, they headed right for the wilted ice-plant at the base of the rickety fingermill wind indicator and beneath the sign, No Dogs on Beach. All Animals Must be Leashed. NO EXCEPTIONS! These Irish Setters are old and feeble, unsure why they're at the beach and not the kennels. A trained eye could recognize they wanted to be with playmates and not loudmouth humans. In the vicinity, a camera film crew were doing post-production work on a Surf Documentary, "PAVING THE WAVE", fine tuning o.c. sound by the narrator himself. They also are doing a "hat skit" comedy bit for the piece. The Irish Setters pinch a "Third World Loaf", head a few feet away, for the production company and sniff at any and everything in sight. "See how natural our kids are with a camera and mike," said Miss Telaga. At that moment, "Beach Rullah" walks down the dirt road toward the filming, leading a slobbering, drooling, English Bulldog, named Killer. "Rullah" has a tight holt' of Spike, yells, "Heel stupid." Spike falls to his massive stomach and lay still. While the crew and "Rullah" visit, over shuffle the two Irish Setter sniffing at Spike. Spike sprung to his feet quicker than a rattle-snake, does a one eighty, charged the closest Irish Setter eating him headfirst--and Spike wasn't about to let loose. Suddenly the teals Ranchers know that sign means business "No Dogs on Beach". The second Setter whimpers away getting into the Yellow hammer, the second Setter, head nearly severed, is swept up by a sobbing Miss Telex, "Look what you've done to my baby." The two Setters were a combined age of 26 years. The ranchers swore a lawsuit would be litigated towards Ranger Dairywimple and Ranger Deputy Ephriam for leaving their post, going out for breakfast with Pastor's wife and Desiree supposedly to the Original House of Pancakes.
TUBESTEAK/EYEWITNESS

TRYING TO ENTER 'NOFRE WAS AN IMPOSSIBLE CHORE THIS SUNDAY MORNING. Like your Mother-in-Law, the annoying by-pass line is back--full force. BIGKOOK arrived at 4: 00 Am but no soap, he as everyone else, waited in line, watching the sunrise. Aside of the MTV Entertainment committee, The early morning strike-force bands, Ranger Dairywimple, Ranger Cadet Ephriam, a bunch of stragglers, hanged over carnie geeks, and early shift lifeguards, made up the beach. Ranger Dairywimple, said, "Cadet, where are our relief, we must check the line," "Ten four, Ranger,"said Ephriam. As Dairywimle and Ephriam left their post for upstairs. Pastor Andrew's wife, Bambee arrives with her next door neighbor, the rebouding, Desiree. "Rangers, Oh Rangers, can you assist us please, if only for a moment?" Ranger Deputy Ephriam pulled alongside Bambee's VW convertable. Why, hello Bambee, who's your cute little friend," he said. "This here's Desireem, I brought her to meet Mr.Dairywimple." Ranger Cadet Ephraim, put the State Vehicle in reverse, "Follow me, darlings, were going code 3 down to the beach," said Cadet. "This is so fun, ten four, over,"said Bambee, turning the VW. "Wait," said Desiree as she stood in the vehicle, whistled at BIGKOOK, "Hey, BIGKOOK, how would you like to lose forty pounds of ugly fat overnight?"said Desiree. "Yeah tell me, I'm listening." Go home and cut off your godamm head," said Desiree. With red lights an siren, Cadet Ephriam and Ranger Dairywimple escoted the blond beauties down to the beach code three.
TUBESTEAK/MR.LUCKY