Febuary 26, 2005 TGIF

First, starting March 1, 2005, Dogpatch will be the Dairy's
home break. Secondly, my heart goes out to the "regulars"
at Point Surfride who brave the off-season elements of winter
surfing, only to find their prayers go unanswered Onofre
is, and was only a beginner's beach. Nothing more, nothing less
These poor hardcore guys, and their milkman hours I think,
are trying to make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. Working your
ass off all week, only to hit the beach at 6:00 AM, get skunked,
head back to Searbuck, then on to the hiring hall. Regardless of
the new San Onofre, we found the first five bona-fide fellows
of Legion. Ever hear of Warren Miller; Bill Barnard; Fritz McGitz;
George Stremple, and High-Ho Silvers? I didn't think so, but
you will. Free hint: naming of the telephone poles and wind
inducators as memorials.

Written by Tommy Taleaga.
JUICE SAUSAGE AND ASSOCIATES

Febuary 27, 2005 May I see some ID.

Talk about terror, Where I live in San Clemente the police suggested
I go to the Dept. of Homeland Security because they can''t become involved
in illegal immigration at their level and to contact the Federal Government.
I just now returned from the "Ämerican Social Security Federal
Building" in Aliso Viejo, boy are you poor gringos in for a
surprise Trying to get in is like getting into Fort Knox. The parking
lots are filled with INS busses unloading illegals at the Mexicano
Exchange, 4th floor. It is so sad to read the plight of the lonely
"La Punta Surfride" where each morning when the gate opens
they are met with sloshy roads, cold weather, and old age. I read
on a wonderful BLOG not long ago, that people over 40 who get
up at 4:00 AM to go to Point Surfride to "check out the
break" are sillier than silly.

Written by Pepe la Phew.
JUICE SAVAGE AND ASSOCIATES

Feburary 23, 2005, New name, finally.

Along with the influx of Mexicanos from the south, La
Conchita evacuees from Santa Barbara, it looks as if La Punta's
in for a name change. The nominating committee agreed ThePoint,
Mecca, Kamikazi's, was so passe they decided to rename the northern
most enclave at San Onofre, Point Surfride. The Old Fellow, The
Moron's mentor was estatic. Those other names were outdated, stale, and so
San Onofre'ish. The Moron told Old Guy change is good. So, begining
manana en la manana, so called La Punta shall susequently be
refered as "Point Surfride". Btw, no barbacueing horsemeat filets
like the old days.

Written by Gloria Allred
BRUCE SAVAGE AND ASSOCIATES

Febuary 22, 2005 Bend over, Gringo!

Martin Luis Sanchez a.k.a."Dirty" Sanchez departed San Clemente
for his home in Durango, Jalisco Mexico DF, but after nine years he
returned. Bush's best buddy, Vincie, has made Mexico intolerable. Fox
agreed if "Doobie" Bush extended his Open Border Green Card Guest
Worker Program, Vincie would send him all the votes the Republicans
can use for 2008. Luis said Fox refuses to pay decent wages causing
los hombres to return to the USA. Luis traveled 1,800 km, walk across
"la frontera" unchallenged (as agreed by Doobie Bush).. After obtaining
a Metricular Coonsulate card at the local Chamber of Commerce, Luis
was quickly hired by a local San Clemente Spanish food restaurant, shared
housing with 35 other people. Staunch Republicans support "Doobie", saying he
can't run Mexico and Iraq with both hands full, considering buddy, Vincie is
emptying Mexico onto Southern California. Remember the Republican
logo W-04. HAW!

Written by El Zorro.
BRUCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES

Febuary 21, 2005 Hyperion South.

"The Moron" joined "Old Fellow" at Starbuck's San Clemente Centro
this horribly damp and wet morning. They discussed the inability for
San Onofre's La Punta to control the flowing mud, uprooted bamboo,
boulders, silt, toppled picnic tables, abandoned chome rims, and deserted,
unrepairable aluminum beach chairs. The Moron said La Punta's regulars
blame Dairywimple and Ephriam for flood control at Old O'fre causing the
beach (owned by Forrestor Ranch, leased to Camp Pendelton, administered
by the CaliforniaDept. of Parks), but considered by La Punta's Junta, to be
their private beach (not unlike La Conchita near Santa Barbara). "Well
"Moron, the only way they can handle the raw sewage at Old O'fre is to
install a massive sewer treatment plant like they have in El Segundo up
north, down here it could be named the San Onofre Treatment Centre."
Öld Fellow, isn't this what they call El Nino, would it not be cheaper
to wait it out, come back March 17 for St. Patrick's Day, and start
over again?" I think maybe "Moron's got a point, at least the deluge has
diverted attention from the Taleagalites, and that is good. at least Haw'n
Gardne's Beach Club just strums their ukaleles and relax all day. "No
problema, brah," they never pick on anyone.

Written by Terry Weird.
BRUCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES