In the early day, surfing used to be a man' sport, but sorrowfully
it has been gone to the dogs, bocci-ballers, real old guys eho
love it because water's soft unlike basketball courts, and
volleyball where, in summer, the sand gets hotter than a whore's
ass. Can you picture Dr.Barney, Eddie McBide, Hammerhead, standing
tall in their Uggs, jawboning how much better outer reef'l be
when the tide goes out. "More coffee please." I sure wish Senator
Luton was here, he'd schitt brique, sideways. There seems to
be a sea of naivete at Old "Nofre this early in the season. Please
old guys, 'Nofre is a great beach for the inexperienced, the weak,
the unsure even Ron Drummond couldn't stand the place. When
Viking said "This place hasn'tý seen a curl in fifty years," he
wasn't kidding. The reason people are japped around by
Dairywiinple and the State is, 'Nofre regulars can't ride
nothing but high tide mushballs. I'll bet dollars to donuts
Eddie wouldn't go there, nosiree Bob.

Written by Rick Heil.
BRUCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES

Wake up gringo, you aint gonna believe it! "Nuestra
Reina de la Sonora de Angeles". Remember Los Angeles?
Well forget L.A. Mayor Villaregosa, acting under orders
from Bush and Fox, has declared Union Station on Alameda
St. a free port for Mexico's fleeing citizens while
promiding all free aid until they become acclimated.
San Onofre will be known as Playas de San Diego Norte.
You will no longer hear "Äloha brah" at SANO, it will be
changed to "Hola, amigo". Tony's Market catering truck
will be Antonios Fruits and Vegetables. Annual Pass will
be $1,150.00 moneda nacional.

Written by Jesus Francisco "Paco" Quiroz.
BRUCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES

Here's where we stand right now on Lucky's final "Burial
at Sea Rites" this coming Saturday morning. Reverend Oscar
Myer will lead the dirge down the newly rejuvenated dirt
trail. Reverend Oscar has announced Lucky's final requests,
if there were any, to be fulfilled beginning with a summary of
Ol'Nofre farm animals. Starting at 6:00 AM Saturday, a
procession of elephants, trained seals, anteaters, sloths,
monkeys, will ride down the road from Punta Marabunta [formerly
The Point] arriving at Dogpatch [formerly Dogtown]where Lucky's
remains will be eulogized by guest speakers Slappy the Clown,
Bozo the No Show, Terry Weird, and Oscar himself, A paddle
out to distribute Lucky's ashes into the blue Pacific led by
Dingo, Rusty, Spud, Rover, Fala, Gidget, Spot, and any volunteer
pooches that may desire a spot in the ceremony. A bocci ball
tournament will be held proceeds going to Park Ranger Ephriam.
Admission to the funeral is free [no charge].

Written by Vincente Garcia-Gomez
BRUCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES

Now, you're gonna have to take this with a grain of salt. We claimed our
'Nofre white Lab pooch in Oceanside loaded him into the rear bed of
vehicle, tied him down with the nylon woven leash, and started up the coast,
We hadn't gone 10' when the pound clerk ran up to the car, "Sir, did you have
name for your new friend?" We thought about our origlnal names, but decided
today was our lucky day. "Well, ma'am we're going to call him Lucky." We
headed straight for Old 'Nofre with Lucky breathing and slobbering all over
the rear window. Almost as we got to Mission Ave, our car hit a pot hole or
something, the truck bed bounced high in the air catapulting Lucky
dropping him on I-5 right in the path of high speed traffic. Well, it
wasn't A pretty sight, the sounds were sickening--WHUMP, WHUMP, WHUMP,
WHUMP...YELP, YELP, YELP... WHUMP, WHUMP, WHUMP. Ol' Lucky
sure got himself chewed up after being run over by 16 speeding cars.
It seemedin all the excitement of freedom, Lucky chewed through his
nylon leash, when we hit the pothole the was nothing to hold him. The CHP
arrived, set up a traffic break as we scurried about gathering chunks
of flesh and fur, with a few bone fragmants into a black 42 gakkon
plastc bag, tied at the top then thrown back into the F-180's
truck bed. Sgt.Pedro Algodon of the CHP asked where they should
semd send the clean-up charges, I told him the SOSC BOD c/o Ranger Ephriam.

Written by Connie Alvarez.
BRUCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES