THE LINE WAS ENDLESS, BACKED TO THE ATSF RAIL TRACKS. Ranger Dairywimple and Ranger Cadet Ephriam were adamant. "Nobody gets in, you must park in the staging area in SDGE . No exceptions!" Before he could finish, a 450 Ford built van pulled up, waved in by Dairywimple. headed for the beach, on the side panel the writing read, MTV FLYING SKATEBOARD TEAM. This was the straw that broke the camel's back. Horns honked
dogs barked, car alarms engaged, all this at 6:00 AM this morning. Within moments the mob quieted. Oh, yeah, there was mumbleing, but quiet. The all hell buxed loose; the PAVING THE WAVE camera truck pulled up and it, too, was flagged in. This was too much for people who have been waiting in line nearly 36 hours. "Please, people, you will be given passes for tomorrows filming at Ranger Cadet's vehicle at 11:00 AM tomorrow," said Dairywimple, " please be patient, you will be on camera. Have your Social Security card handy." The festivities continued. From the staging area up on top you could hear the music, loud and mega bass, the skateboarders skated off their heads, hip-hoppers brake danced,. San Onofre had become Coney Island West. Still after a bit, the line was gridlocked, until the MTV Catering Enterprise food trucks arrived, and instantly
escorted to the beach. How are Bambee and her divorcee neighbor, Desiree, going to get on the beach tomorrow. Can Dairywimple and "The Enforcer" pull some strings? Stay tuned.
TUBESTEAK/WILL.CALL

RYDER EIGHTEEN WHEELERS, DEADHEAD AND READY TO ROLL, SNAKED THEIR WAY up the antiquated dirt road toward the staging area, located south of the the Ranger's Toll Booth, in the asphalt parking acreage of SDGE. Time right now is 7:00 AM and Basilone Rd. is gridlocked. Ranger Dairywimple aimed his bullhorn at the swarm of cars, "Attention, please. If you ain't in now you aren't getting in," he said, "please leave the area." That went over like the proverbial "lead balloon", horns honked setting off car alarms, dogs barked, children, because of all the commotion, screamed and whined. It was awful. Less than a quarter mile away down on the beach, things were cracken'. Rides started, music blared, sky banners flowing, Fuji blimps aloft float in the misty morning. Ranger Deputy Ephriam taking in the gala even commented,
"For shizzle, 'Nofre's never gonna' be the same." Deputy Ephriam posted the show order, Beyonce, Fred Durst, Fifty Cents, Christina, Michael, Snoop Doggy, Courtney,
Brittney, Eminem, and Baby Face. Deputy Ranger Ephriam, on cue, "You can't get up unless you get down!" Young Moe T, grabbed a hand held, screamed, "Let's rage dudes, party hearty. Owooo! MTV's "San Onofre Party Ball Easter Week Celebration", much to the distaste of the SOSC BOD, roared out of the gate.
TUBESTEAK/ANXIOUS

WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! In preparation for EASTER WEEK festivities "Beach San Onofre" will be closed today and tomorrow reopening Friday, for celebration EASTER.
MTV PRODUCTIONS apologizes for any inconvenience
TUBESTEAK/FIRST.IN.LINE

A CONVOY OF HUMMERS, TWO PEARL, TWO MAROON, AND TWO BLACK, departed Ranch Talega, heading for "San Onofre Entire Family State Beach". The lead HUMMER, with twenty four year old Pastor Andrew, his hot, blond, nineteen year old wife, Bambee, the driver, Chip, HOA Chairman, and all BOD in the following HUMMERS, making a bee-line for "Old Man's". Apparently a showdown among them, Ranger Dairywimple, Lieutenant Ephriam, and twelve MTV Music Company Production Coordinators was in order. The HUMMER convoy made the final swing toward "CITY HALL" palm frond shack at a steady 15 mph creating a light, wispy, swirl of dust as they approached. Ranger Dairywimple and Lieutenant Ephriam stood erect as the convoy pulled up in front of "CITY HALL". Ranger Dairywimple approached the HUMMER with Pastor Andrew and his hot blond wife, "Hello, how may we help you today?" Bambee cast a wicked smile at the Ranger. "Who's that darling Cadet with you, Ranger?" said Bambee. "Never mind that, Miss," said Dairywimple, "state your business." Lieutenant Ephriam stepped forward, "Well, hi, ma'am, I'm The Enforcer, at your service." "Lieutenant, you are out of line," said Dairywimple. "Thanks, Ranger,
Is it true you're going to make this beach inaccessible during Easter week, Ranger, Sir?" said Bambee. "Affirmatory, Miss," said Dairywimple. "Oh, fudge, Ranger, the ranchers just love coming down here and listen to Dr.Laura, Rush, Phil, and Melinda Lee. What are we going to do?" said Bambee with a slight pout. Lieutenant Ephriam handed Bambee his business ticket, his home phone written on the back. One of the "big wigs" from MTV came forward. "Ma'am we are regretful for any inconvenience we will cause, but this is a surf beach, and a volleyball beach, and a party hearty beach," said the exec. "Well, whatever your name is Mr.Big Shot, you haven't heard the last of Rancho Talega," said Pastor Andrew. All the HUMMERS revved up, sped back to Ranch Telega, probably to watch Dr.Phil. Lieutenant Ephriam, his eyes locked onto the lead HUMMER, the one carrying Bambee, winked at Dairywimple, "Not bad, not bad at all, Ranger."
TUBESTEAK/HMMMM

WHAT UP, DUDE? MTV SPRING BREAK IN ASSOCIATION WITH MTV PRODUCTIONS presents
SPRING BREAK SAN ONOFRE 2004. A "Sweetheart Deal was brokered by Ranger Dairywimple and Lieutenant Ephraim to "sew up" Easter Week for a giant Party Ball on the beach. Twenty groups from Eminem to Baby Face are booked for the HUGE event beginning this Friday through Easter Sunday. Fifty additional volleyball courts for the "Rock 'n Roll Ladies and Volley Balling Men", are being installed, courtesy JOSE CUERVO TROPICAL BANANA LIME DRINKS. Bleachers will be installed the length of the modernized back to nature dirt road. Because closure of the road is necessary, participants will be shuttled from the staging area to the sand. The Fuji blimp will be part of security 24 hours daily. The Permit can be viewed at Bldg. #4, toilet 6 beginning today.
TUBESTEAK/VH1

WHILE THE BEACHIES WERE HOME SLEEPING, RANGER DAIRYWIMPLE AND LIEUTENANT
Craig "The Big 'E'" Ephriam were fighting "tooth and nail" for another beach permit, this time for a "Hands Across San Onofre" parade. Now, the two are asking the 4,500 Club members to gather next Sunday AM at the Traffic Bypass area by the Ranger's Toll Booth, join hands, form a serpentine line from the zone, down the access road to the "primitive dirt fish-camp road", along the coastline to SONGS, where at 10:00 AM
sharp, the Club members shall break into a couple of choruses of "WE ARE THE WORLD WE ARE THE CHILDREN", a celebration of sorts. Volunteers are needed to disperse bottled water, de-caff coffee, and fresh oranges from Riverside. Donations are welcome.