Febuary 19, 2005 King of Stinkeye.

The Moron arrived at 'Nofre this morning ready to drive straight in.
There was no line, no bros chucking and jiving how good it's gonna
get when the tide ebbs. As a matter of fact, 'Nofre was once again
shut down by The State Park, claiming it's not going to reopen till
the rain subsides. The Moron couldn't believe it. Ranger on duty said
you can buy your annual pass, Moron, but you can't drive to the beach.
'What's with you people, anyways", said Moron, "ÿou want $275.00 for the
annual pass, and can't drive to the surf beach to visit with the Brahs, what's
with you people?" The attendant said, don't blame us. it's the SOSC BOD and
those do-gooders at the point, they wanna preserve the archaic dirt road, sloppy
and muddy as it is. so as Barney Wilkes and Eddie McBride ever return from
the dead it'll look the same as when they left. Sorry, she said, that's the way the
Club wants it and that's the way it's going to stay. "You're not serious," said
The Moron. Honey, she said, I'm as serious as cancer. If you wana go to a rain
accessable beach, you're gonna pay here, then drive to Doheny State Park, it's
paved, you can drive straight in. She stepped back and said, "Have a nice day."

Written by Moses c. 1350 BC.
BRUCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES

Febuary 15, 2005 Joeleene the Trailer Queen revisited.
Excerpts from Dr. Ephriam and Hal Dairywimple's "Very Best Of" Radio Show.

Things went sorta awry yesterday, doing a remote in nearby
Santiago Gulch Center to "Angel Crest Trailer Yard", home of
Joeleene the Trailer Queen's Double Wide and Visitor's
Center/Museum/ Souvenir Headquarters, all in one building.
Hal and Dr. Craig paid Joeleene a visit this morning. She lives out
Ortega Highway on the road to Elsinore, at a spot called Whispering
Chimes Trailer Yard--Mature Types Only! Joeleene the Trailer Queen
is the manager. She spotted us as we drove up the lane. Here's what
transpired.

Joeleene:
Come in fellows, soup's on. You're right on time.
[Joeleene sounded just like Dolly]

Hal:
You haven't changed a bit, darling. Do you know Dr. Craig from
KSANO AM?

Joeleene:
I sure do lover, used to hear his show up in Bakersfield. How might I be of
help?

Dr. Craig:
Were doing a feature on trashy people that reside in trailer houses.
preferably double wides here in So. Orange County.

Joeleene:
Well, you come to the right place, Hon. Would you like to con--verse
with them?

Hal:
We sure would, Joeleene, is that him coming up the path?

Joeleene:
Darn tooten', Hal. Travis Bob, c'mon over here for the radio folk. Travis
Bob don't talk too good, he sorta has a hair-lip, don't pay much attention
to him. That's his wife, Martha Sue, with him. She has a cleft palette as
you can probably make out. Travis Bob, this here's Dr. Craig.

Travis Bob:
Pleased to meet'cha, Doc. Me n'efer bin on radio show before. This's
my woman and first cousin, Martha Sue. Thay howdy Martha Thue.

Marth Sue:
Wha' you thay, Doc, howdy.

Hal:
Joeleene maybe you can show Dr. Craig and me a tour of Whispering
Chimes, if that's okay.
[Hal, Dr Craig, and Joeleene, enter the golf cart with Joeleene at the controls.]

Joeleene:
Okay, hold on to your hat, boys, we're headen' for the graveyard where my nine
husbands are put to rest. [It was a sobering effect to see those seven mounds
jutting from the grassy meadow. Joeleen took pride in her quiver of deceased,
actually talking to them individually. Travis Bob was bad, Martha Sue, the cleft
palate, was worse, but talking to a bunch of stiffs took the cake. Next stop, the
vinyl covered boomerang banana shaped fold up pool lounges.

[They pull up in front of the trailer camp commissary]

Joeleene:
You're gonna' like this old boy, Cleedus, he operates the food service here.
He specializes in things on which you don't have to chew, for example, rice
pudding, liver soup, steamed soft tofu, and mashed potato sandwiches.
These people residing here don't have a tooth in their had, all they can
do is gum everything, they're pretty thankful for Cleedus, you bet.
Here he comes, pay no attention to his missing teeth. Well, morning Cleedus
what you got cooking today?

[Joeleene sure has a sense of humor.]

Cleedus:
Well, how do fellows what can I get you today, how 'bout some soft boiled eggs
and milquetoast?

Joeleene:
We got one more stop, Cleedus. We'll take three muds to go and make ém black.

[It's getting late in the day as Joeleene takes Dr. Craig and Hal to their final stop.]

Joeleene:
Okay, this is it fellows, the Huell Howser Surf Grounds dedicated
to Huell the Jewell himself. Doesn't it take you right back to 'Nofre
or what?

Dr. Craig:
It sure does Joeleene. We're good friends with Huell, but I hope it's not like
Roy's place and Huell's got a bunch of Legends stuffed like Trigger.

Joeleene:
He does, but only one, which is okay cause he's dead.

Written by Von Chong Morand
BRUCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES

February 14, 2005 What now?

I knew who this guy ts walking from The Point, shaking hts head in disgust,
You'd recognize him had it not been for his long, gray, pony-tail dangling
down his back. Why the gloomy look, old guy, you look as if you've lost your
best friend. What's the matter? I can't believe it, those guys at The Point
they think it's supposed to be hot, glassy, and six feet every day, when it isn't
the Point regulars mitch and bone all day long while they pound sand thinling
that's going to make things better. Listen old guy, those are kooks up there,
they just don'' t know the rules of surfing. No matter what, it's not perfect
waves, each and every day. Those are not young guys, they shoiuld know
better. San Onofre is a beginners beach, nothing more, nothing less. You would
think they'd take their act to Rincon, Haggerties, The Overhead, or even
County Line, but I don't think they want to leave their Bro's. The Old Timer shook
his head back and forth, heading toward the power plant. He looked back at us,
"It ain't like it was in the old days."

Written by Al Gee Kwon.
BRUCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES

February 13, 2005 Stairway to the stars.

According to Vice/Ranger C. Ephriam, O'fre's BOD will be offered
bluprints for immediate construction of a much needed "Stairway
to the Stars" a tribute to its "Soul of Dead Legend's Guild", a
monument to the greats of Old O'fre's "Legion of Masters". The
BOD hopes and prays it will surpass any, and all, Wall of Fames, Walk
of Fame, Wall of Imfamies, and Fame is Fortune SANO "The Point" [SIC]
Chapter. A decision was made because of the littoral newcomers to the
beach seeking recognition , they want that Fame, and they want it now!
If you have any nominations for the SANO Legion of Masters,
please notify your Beach Captain before 2/1/2005. Do not use the
Comment box at the bottom of this bulletin.

Written by Li'l Sammy Conroy.
BRUCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES