October 14, 2004 Slo Pitch Salami League.

Summer's over, time to move on. "Rib Trader" restaurant is sponsoring an
off season "beer belly"sports league and looking for a team nickname. How would
you fill in the blank space : Rib Trader__________. I think some keen names
would be Wolves; Drunkards; Schnoorers; Dorks; Turkeys; Lushes; Jokers;
Killers; Curl Masters; Bongers; Devils; Sharks; Whiners; Slobberers, or
whatever your entry might be. Along with the team names, what would be
your favorite uniforum colors, and should the ball caps be worn with the bill
backwards. One other thing, the team will be called, e.g. The "Nofre Terds.
e.g. means ' for example'. You must be 40 plus to play in the league, and no
transvestites need apply. At the bottem left of this page, insert your choice
under comments. Snail green and burgandy colored jerseys would read:
SAN ONOFRE
SCHLEMIELS

Written by Lenny Phartt.
BRUCE SAVAGE SPORTS

October 13, 2004 A day at the beach.

Long before freeways and toll roads surfaced, gas was .19 cents a gallon.
Telegraph Rd. traversed west to east through L.A., in front of Goodrich
Tire. At 5:00 AM traffic was sparse except for an occasional street sweeper
chugging along at a snails pace. Los Angeles was a nice place, especially at dawn.
It may have taken an hour and one half to journey from Los Angeles to San
Onofre, but the trip was worth it, especially the turn from Coast Highway
101 to a primitive dirt road paralelling the seascape. The beach was almost
always empty save for a squadron of soaring pelicans on the lookout for a
tasty morsel. It was very quiet. San Onofre was isolated with sometimes as
many as a dozen autos. I can't go on, it's too devastating. San Onofre has
become a inner city beach and no body wants to do aything about it.
I'm proud to announce you'll never see ne there again. God bless all of you.

Written by the Undertaker.
BRUCE SAVAGE INTERNATIONAL

October 11, 2004 WOW!

What a contest. ROXY had everything imaginable, LINDA BENSON, JOEY CABELL,
BIGKOOK, ADAM PASKOWITZ from JETLINER, JENNIFER and ISIAH from
SURFERS HEALING, everything that would've had CAROL WEBER'S
eyes light up. The contest drove off SOSC BOD who didn't want to move
into the 21ST CENTURY. ALLAN SEYMOUR had SAN ONOFRE so uptown
you couldn't understand why the SOSC BOD wants to bury their head in the sand
like ostriches. MR.SEYMOUR invited us to a magnificent PRIME RIB dinner
with all the trimmings (Diamond Jim cut), deliciously crisp PETIT SIRAH '79,
SOUR CREAM SMASHED POTATOES, lots of bread and butter, and
GOLD INLAY TOOTHPICKS. BIGKOOK ate the lion's share, washing
everything down with a NEBUCHADNEZZAR of PINOT CHARDONAY.
A special thanks to MR.SEYMOUR for reminding us how surfing used to be .
Now then, down the "Road to Bizzare", JT had the spread of spreads, featuring
a full blown Boston Clambake including a 22 lb. Grandaddy Bug, dozens of
Razorneck Clams, bushells of Oysters, tons of Mussels, butter and garlic for
sauteeing, San Francisco crisp Fisherman's Wharf bread, and THEBIGKOOK
has a Magnum of ice-cold Sparkling Champagne to keep the edge off. Here's a
special tip o' the hat comes in for the SOSC BOD: Thanks for ignoring ALLAN
SEYMOUR'S ROXY, QUICKSILVER, BOB MCKNIGHT, JIM IRWIN,
AND CREW. It sure made easy parking for all us late comers.

Written by Noah Parking.
BRUCE SAVAGE AND ASSOCIATES BEVERLY HILLS