UNFORNUNATLY, I'D HEARD ABOUT IT THIS MORNING. Yes, the San Onofre Surfrider's Family State Beach has been reinfected because the fast spreading Sewer Worms from SONGS are moving northward fast. If you think the computer virus is bad, wait'll you
see this. The swarm of Worms have invaded Bldg. #4, Toilet #6, and it sure doesn't look promising. The SOHSC is aware of the swarm's location. What Sewer Worms do is wait for a stiff southwest wind for transportation to shore, dig furiously beneath rotting seaweed, before making an attack on the toilets. SOSC BOD claims because of new rules giving the SOHSC'S 'duh Hooie jurisdiction for Hawaiian Village. They must do something fast before the toilets smell to high heaven. "The Enforcer" will try to lure Amish Rev.Andy and his flock to assist both Clubs before it's too late. One other good news/bad news item, Blah 'KOOK shan't return from "Kahuna School" for another seven days. He is in Honolulu.
TUBESTEAK/TRAGEDIES

HERE'S THE R&R'S (RULES AND REGS) FOR THE CLUB'S UNIFICATION, supplied and notarized by Ranger Dairywimple. Boundary line is the uncontested imaginary line running from Bldg. #4, the Main Toilet south west to the mean high tide mark. At all times will Hawaiian tunes such as Aloha Oe, Kaimana Hila, Kuipo, Ama Ama Ching Ching, be played from 6:00 am till 10:00 PM. The gut bucket players shall move from Bamboo Room south to Dogpatch. There shall be absolutely no animals on the beach. Surfers don't go to the kennels, dogs don't belong at the beach. The SOHSC feels the beach should be conducted like Malibu during the mid-fifties. Malibu was not a Coney Island family beach so why should SOCK be? Luau will be orchestrated by 'da Hooie under BIGKOOK'S direction. Tony's Market Roach Coach shall provide food and drink during the summer months. Old timers shall park on top and be shuttled to the sand by Alan Seymoure Procuctions. "Locals Only' signs will be permitted all year. Drinking of any alcohol is permitted exclusively in the "Hawaiian Gardens" compound. Bocci Ballers will be restricted to the waters edge and not on the "primitive dirt road". This is a partial list of 'da Hooies demands.
TUBESTEAK/OUCH

IT WAS A ROUGH ROAD BUT ALL SEATBELTS WERE FASTENED. Thank goodness for

your patience because SOSC BOD and SOHSC "'da hui" cut a Sweetheart Deal

today, just in time for February's merger between California and Haw'n surfing

in a show of solidarity. TEAM/BIGKOOK cried "Uncle" without a whimper.

From now on in the BIGKOOK'S Bamboo Fields and Banana Plantation will

be redesignated Hawaiian Gardens, featuring sounds from the 'da hui

like windchimes, mynah birds, jungle drums, slack key guitar, Webley

Edwards and Hilo Hattie's "very best of" Hawaii Calls from the Moana

Hotel. Conch music will replace the mourningful Wednesday twilight

concerts, featuring off key ukeleles and sour guitar notes. It will be an

all Hawaiian repetoirre for all to enjoy. THEBIGKOOK, new Kahuna for

the SOHSC, will be Master of Ceremonies, Sarge Keefer is the

Sergeant at Arms, Birdman Williams is the SOHSC Yeoman

working mano a mano, so to speak, with Jim Kempton for the First

Annual SOHSC Yearbook. For the remainder of calender year 2004

BIGKOOK shall carry the "nom de surf", Blah KOOK. Return from SANO

and feast your huge, reddish eye on the complete summer program.

TUBESTEAK/OUTRIGGER.CANOE.CLUB