November 2, 2004 Here we go again.

Acting on an unconfirmed report from the fishing village at Dana Point
Harbor, Old 'Nofre will be closed effective immediately because of two
huge, giant, man-eating squid, with tentacles ten feet in length, observed
gliding through the shallow waters of Old Man's shortly after dawn this
morning. Two well known and popular regulars finished their Bloody Marys
at Turks, cruised towards the Oceanside kelp farm when their trawler was nearly
capsized by the monster whale-size beasts, weighing close to three tons
each. Ca[Captain Gene warned the beasts could consume an unwary longboarder
in one gulp. That'd be awful, sitting at the outside reef being attacked,
surprised by the beast, swallowed whole, then deposited on the ocean floor
miles away near Las Pulgas. A Ranger rescue boat, commanded by Hal Dairywimple
and Ranger Jean-Claude Ephriam, was dispatched to assist Captain Gene.

Written by Capt. Ahab Salamitooni
BRUCE SAVAGE AND ASSOCIATES