October 3, 2004 The whole truth and nothing but.

BIGKOOK was placed under Citizen's Arrest by Rangers
Dairywimple and Ephriam. The charge, alledgedly drinking cheap wine out
of a Dunkin' Doughnut 16 ouncer. Apparently, someone from the SOSC
BOD set up a sting operation after the busted the "real old" timers orchestra
Wednesday evening causing the fiddle player [88 yo] to request an oxygen
tank for assisted breathing. One BOD felt BIGKOOK had finked on Clarence
and set up a sting operation to entrap the BIGKOOK. A trained booze sniffing
Doberman, led Dairywimple to the culprit, who took one look at the snarling
animal surrendering immediately, led away to Vista where bail was set at
$50,000.00. Years ago at Malibu Beach there was a group of carefree surfers,
all members of the Uptown Surf Club, Legends in their own right Beatle Bailey,
Kemp Aaberg, Lance Carson, Tom Morey, Bubblehead, Miki Dora, Munoz, "Little"
Johhny Fain, "The Noodle", Johhny Go Fast, "Whitewater", Moondoggie,
Peter Cole, Dewey Weber, "Windbag, Beverly Beer Can (the only authorized
girl surfer), and all others who met an untimely agonizing death. But the
point is, can you imagine how horriblel things might have been if they'd
outlawed hootch on the beach. Poor Malibu would've wound up just
like San Onofre [UGH]. There is a Surfrider Foundation, Malibu Chapter,
and they have aluminum cans and plastic bottles for the recycle bin. Farrold
Headd would have had his stencil kit, spray can, and a steady hand to paint on
the side of a 55 gallon drum, "Please Discard All Reusable Containers
In This Container. Thank You, Your Surfrider Foundation." We'd
have made a fortune cashing in the bounty.

Written by Malibu Mike Hunt
BRUCE SAVAGE AND ASSOCIATES ESQ.