September 4, 2004 CONTEST CENTRAL

Saturday next, at 7:oo AM, heat #1 goes in the water launching a two day
SOSC Contest. New announcers will replace Jimmy Irwin for this one only.
Trying to fill Jimmy's shoes will include Steve Roth, Al Gee, Scott French,
Shecky, Wino Joe, Willie Wilson, and several Cameo PA guys. Lane assignments
will be drawn next Thursday, no matter how many feelings will be hurt,
White is still top seed. There may be a change, however, because of raw
sewage oozing into the shorebreak, adjacent to BIGKOOK'S swampland
by the Bamboo Forest, all heats may be moved south 50 yards for health
concerns. Real good news, the McDonald's Tour Bus will house the "Surfer
Craig" Ephriam, Hal Dairywimple, Officer Bob Krupke Show, with a Special
Mystery Guest on site. Long lines are anticipated, if your heat starts at
7:00 AM, be in line by 2:00 AM or stay at home, you won't get on the beach.
All judges must pass a physical exam before the contest begins. The exam
will concentrate on far-sightedness and color blindness. Worse news of all,
Quicksilver, Billabong, Nike, Reef Sandals, may not be allowed to offer
prizes to heat winners because of AAU amateur standings violations.

Written by Rick Heil
BRUCE SAVAGE AND ASSOCIATES