August 5 2004 Very impressive ARBITRON ratings

Hal Dairywimple:
Right on, Dr. Craig, overnights are in, no surprise we're #1
in No. San Onofre. We want to thank all you listeners who
made it possible. Good morning Dr. Craig, are you ready for
our first caller, Santa Marguerite Marguerite?

Dr.Craig:
Sure am, Hal, that is good news. Thank you for waiting caller.

Marguerite:
Thank you for taking my call, Dr. Craig. My husband, Marco's
the barkeep at Dirty Sanchez' in the Dana Point Lagoon, when he arrives
home after his duty he smells like a French whorehouse and it makes
me way jealous. Their bar wenches are super hot, while Í''m sorta of
a plain jane, if you know what I mean?

Dr. Craig:
It does sound like trouble. No names please, but how elderly is hubby,
and what time's his shift over? Does he come straight home, and do you smell
gin on his breath?

Marguerite:
He gets off at 2:00AM and should be home by 2:15, but that's wishful
thinking. Hé's in his middle forties.The wenches are in their very young
20s and love to party hearty down at the Lagoon after hours.
So what's a girl to do, Dr. Craig?

Dr. Craig:
Marguerite, have you noticed anything erratic about his behavior
recently, like any change in his clothing, attitude, language, any of
that stuff?

Marguerite:
Now that you mention it, yes, Dr. Craig. He starting wearing this
silly looking little "barge captain hat", a manly looking black bulky
tee-shirt, with "Schitt Happens" emblazoned in gold across the
front, lots of cologne, and a scruffy goatee. He looks so foolish, but the
early twenty year hotties tell this weird looking lld fossil how
darling he looks. These are super tight chix, and he's a wrinkled old
man who believes everything he's told. I just don't want to lose him, Dr.
Craig. Please help me, Dr.

Dr. Craig:
Marguerite dear, you're not painting a pretty picture for Dr. Craig. Hubby
could be going trough a'macho' kind of thing, and those wenches are teasing
hubby no end. Does he ever come home early in the morning smeared
with lipstick and talcum powder that isn't yours. I'm afraid they''re
pulling his leg to make it even with the shorter one. There's no way
you can tell, but has any of them had their doctor add a convenient
stitch, if you know what I mean? Hold on Marguerite, I'm getting a signal
from screener, Dairywimple, he'd like to speak with you.
Here he is now.

Hal Dairywimple:
Hi again, Marguerite, I think the best way for you to handle this
unusual situation is to fight fire with fire. Can you fax us a full
body photograph of you, were're having one of our sponsors
provide a full make over free of charge so you can take your
new look to Dirty Sanchez' and show the wenches what hubby's
got at home, "Little Ms Sexy". Are you game?

Margueriteë:
Oh, you bet I am.

Dr. Craig:
That's great, Marguerite. Be here Friday morning for the
transformation. See you then.

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