August 3 2004 The show must go on.

The Dr.Craig and Hal Diarywimple Show is on the air. Direct from the

white sands of San Onofre Beach beneath the historical monumental

palm frond shack, a cool morning offshore, tiny waves lapping at

the mossy rocks, it's showtime--big time.


Hal Dairywimple:
Good morning listeners, welcome to the initial broadcast live
from San Onofre State Beach. Good morning Dr.Craig, welcome along.

Dr.Craig:
Thank you Hal, do you have our first caller?

Hal:
Yes we do Dr.Craig, it's Taleaga Tilly, from you know where.

Dr.Craig:
Good morning, Tilly, welcome to the show, how can we help you this
morning?

Taleaga Tilly:
Thank you for taking my call, Dr. Craig, long time listener, first time caller.
I've been married 12 years to the same man and I can't take any more
of his drinking.

Dr. Craig:
What's it all about Tilly, when did it start, is he there now?

Taleaga Tilly:
He's passed out on the davenport, Dr. Craig. He goes to work at
4:00 AM down at the wharf where he's a deck hand on the sardine
trawler. He gets home 14 hours later, lit up like a Christmas tree.
On the boat he eats bean and cheese burritos
all day, washing it down with Souza Three Finger, when he finally
gets home he smells like a plate full of chile rellanos. He plops
on his oversize Lazy Boy Recliner, belches, then lays into
me like I'm a pinata. I cannot take it any longer. I love him but
what should I do, Dr. Craig?

Dr. Craig:
YIKES! Tilly, I feel your pain. What's your husband's name, if I
may ask?

Taleaga Tilly:
Brad Knight.

Dr. Craig:
Uh oh, I just got a sign from our producer, Tilly, because of our
program's guidelines no real name so we'll have to call Brad,
BK, if that's alright with you?

Taleaga Tilly:
Whatever, Dr. Craig. I wish this were television so I could
show you where BK lit into me, I'm all black and blue.

Dr. Craig:
Tilly, do you have a gun in the house?

Taleaga Tilly:
I sure do Dr. Craig, and I know how to use it, for sure.

Dr. Craig:
Is BK there now, If he is, walk over to his Lazy Boy Recliner,
cock the thing, put it to BK's forehead, then scare the living
crap out of him, aim just past his temple and watch the
expression on his face when the thing goes off.

Taleaga Tilly:
Okay, Dr. Craig, hold on while I go over where BK's passed
out. Click, KA--BOOM, SPLATT! Oh, my gawd Dr. Craig, I
think I misjugded and blew BK's head off. Hello, hello,
hello, Dr. Craig, are you there?

Sudden dead air.
Hal Dairywimple:
We'll be right back after these words, folks.

Produced and Directed by NeoN D. Surfer.
TUBESTEAK/OH.DEAR