March 21, 20o5 Happy Birthday Leilani

They say it was easily the most gruesome thing ever seen at Old 'Nofre..
"Lover Boy" spent Sunday at "San Onofre Haw'n Gardena Surf Club"
readying the huge table for Leilani's 12th birthday party, including 15
children guests. Everyone worked very hard preparing yams
macaroni/potato salads, 1 finger poi, pickled pig's feet, watermelon
wedges, salmon lomi lomi, chicken long rice, white rice, catsup, cookies,
pies, and cakes. I wasn't there, but I stumbled upon Regional Supervisor
Hans Schnabel's Animal Coroner's Report yesterday. What had happened,
just as the arty was set to start Longboard Larry arrived with his pet Pit
Bull, always a favorite on the beach especially at Haw'n Gardena. Longboard
unloaded his board, waxed up, walked across the sand, plopped his board in
the water, paddled out, and waited. Larry's Pit Bull, was having thoughts it
were a sand shark and was sort of terrified by it. Parked 8' from the birthday
table the dog couldn't but help sniff the food. As "Honey Boy" brought the
children to the table the Pit Bull could no longer resist, leaped 4' into the air
landing on the edge of the beautifully decorated table and started gobbling
everything in sight. It went through the salads bar-b-cued ribs, briskets,
corn on the cob, marinated mushrooms, Lasko Pickled Herring, cakes and
pies--everything it could get in it's mouth. The children watched and began
sobbing. "Lover Boy" ran to his car, reached into the glove box, pulled
from it his 357 Magnum Special, ran toword the dog still on the table
chewing on the baby back ribs, looked up at the approaching "Lover Boy"
taking dead aim, KAH SPLATT, totally took the dog out. This was awful for the
little children to see, but the Haw'ns broke into loud cheering. Hal Dairywimple
and Ranger Ephriam, playing in the tidepools with underprivileged inner-city
kids got, out of the water but too late. The now headless Pit Bull had done the
damage. Now, this March afternoon filled with a beautiful rendition of the
Hawaiian War Chant

Written by Willie D. Saitch
BRUCE SAVAGE SAND ASSOCIATES