WITH THE HELP OF RANGER DAIRYWIMPLE, TEAMBIGKOOK'S office staff

ran a CII, California Identification on the Midget whose been

haranguing the 'KOOK. He hails from Taelega Homes in

San Clemente, drives a 2004 HUMMER, wears a ballcap backwards,

is unemployed, because of the double amputation he does

not possess a valid California driver's license, but obtained

a blue disabled parking placard. Other information gathered

was the double amputation took place in front of Olamendi's

family restaurant on PCH in Capo Beach. Good Samaritan

that he is he was pushing a auto to compression start the

thing when out of nowhere comes this yellow Monte Carlo,

plows right into it, lops off both Midget's legs, and speeds off

toward Selva St. in Dana Point. The plate read Frontera and

a bunch of dust covered numbers. The hit and run driver escaped,

but we all know where he went. He apparently learned to surf

watching Kelly Slater's Game Boy Tape His name is Joe

Shlump aka The Midget. If BIGKOOK would listen, I would tell him

what the Midget is up to in their surf off this weekend.

TUBESTEAK/REMOTE.CONTROL